And Then She Stopped
by Cheyenne Gomez
Summary: Maya Hart has been running from so many things for so long; her emotions, her life, even herself. But when you stop running from something it eventually catches up to you, and Maya might not be able to deal with it all when they do.
1. Chapter 1

_Maya Hart. I think, if at all possible- and if it was Maya would definitely be the one to make it possible, had too much heart. I think, she'd had so much of her heart taken away and she spent so much time giving her heart away that she didn't have any leftover for herself. I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end, even if it was just for a little while, but I… I think I stole some of it too. And I'm sorry for that. I'll never be able to say how sorry I am._

Her bedroom was composed of rustic elements like the stains in her mattress and the crack running entirely across her ceiling. To any average person this room, this apartment, this _neighborhood,_ would seem to be an environment incapable of providing a suitable shelter and stability for any human being. However – anyone living in this neighborhood wasn't there for the shelter or stability, they're all here because they have nowhere else to go.

Most of the people here hated it, the American dream was most definitely not living in a building that looks older than America itself. Regardless of their thoughts or even their actions the people who lived here were categorized as the "runts of New York". Fancy people in their fancy cars only drove through here on rare occasion but when they did they'd always roll up their windows. It isn't fair, but neither is life- or death for that matter.

Maya, despite everyone else's opinions, loved it here. "Loved" may be too strong of a word for the situation, but – in spite of what she led others to believe - Maya always tried to seek the best of everything. There was so much bad in her life that if she stopped running away from it all for even a second, she would be completely engulfed in darkness.

She lay on her back, gazing at the crack in the ceiling, waiting for her alarm to go off. As always at this time, she was fully dressed and ready for the day. There was so little for her to do to get ready she was always finished before it was even time to wake up. Maya never had the money to buy makeup to put on, her mom couldn't afford the extra electricity for her to curl her hair, they never had any food, and quite frankly she didn't have enough clothes to spend an hour picking out an outfit.

When her phone, the phone given to her by Mr. Matthews, started beeping at 6:00 (am of course) she slid the alarm off, slipped the phone into her pocket, and left for her walk to Riley's place.

Riley's parents, unlike Maya's mom, had good jobs with decent pay. If you were to compare the two different living situations Riley lived like royalty – and yes, often it bothered Maya how much she took it all for granted.

Just like every other day Maya came in through Riley's window, which never seemed to be closed. Riley hated her room, she felt she was too old for the teddy bears and purple painted walls. Maya – however- loved Riley's room, because there wasn't a crack on the ceiling, mold in the corner, and stains on the mattress of her bed (the origins of which are entirely unknown). She tried her best not to think about all of this though, she couldn't stop running. She couldn't let all of those emotions catch up to her.

"Mornin' sunshine!" She said, lying next to Riley, who was still in bed. Riley turned to face her with a smile.

"Peaches."

"It's time to wake up, darling the day isn't waiting for you to start!" They both sighed, and laughed. They did this every morning but it was something that they could never get tired of, like cake or pizza.

Riley got up and dressed and then they were both on their way down to the kitchen for breakfast. Topanga had laid out a plate of pancakes with a large selection of toppings. Maya took only 2 pancakes and dressed them with assorted fruits and whipped cream, even though all she wanted to do was eat all of the food on the table considering the breakfasts she ate with the Matthews was the only food she got for the entire day.

"So, Maya," Topanga started, taking a bite of her pancakes, "your mother tells me you've been really enjoying your dinners with her since I've started closing the café earlier in the evening." Maya looked down at her plate, her mother hadn't been coming home any earlier. The only time she ever saw her was when she was working or sleeping on the couch. But as always Maya put on a smile.

"Yes, it's always lovely to be with family. Thank you so much Mrs. Matthews." Maya then continued to eat in silence while thinking of the things her mother could've been doing instead of being with her.

After breakfast Maya thanked everyone for the food and waited for Riley by the door. Cory started letting them leave a little before him instead of at the same time so they felt like they had more freedom but he could still keep an eye on them from a distance, what he didn't know was Maya actually valued the time he used to spend walking with them – he was the closest thing to a father figure she had since Shawn decided to only show up once a month. Once a month is better than nothing, yes, but every day would be better. She tried not to think about this though, having a father was just another thing to envy about Riley, and another thing to run from.

Because Cory was now a teacher at the High School both him and the girls would have to get there at least a half an hour before school started. To pass the time Riley and Maya either talked, did homework they procrastinated the night before, or they'd help Cory set everything up for the day. It was great, and right before the bell rang Maya always threw all the homework she'd just finished into the recycling bin. Maybe this time her mother would react in any way when the report card came in. Maya tried A's, they didn't work. F's don't seem to either though.

Their first class of the day was History, of course with Mr. Matthews. The seating arrangement from their middle school years remained the same just like how the lessons revolved around their lives.

"Good morning Maya."

"Morning Huckleberry." She smiled and sat down. _Hope is for suckers._ Mr. Matthews stood at the front of the room, Belgium 1831 was scribbled across the board in his messy hand-writing, yet everyone in that classroom knew that they wouldn't be learning about Belgium at all, based on what happened the day before with Smackle telling Farkle that she was sick of warning him not to talk to Riley and she wanted to break up with him, they would be learning about Germany and unrestricted submarine warfare during World War I.

"Good morning class." Cory started, "A World War is coming in our very classroom." He looked around.

"Who knows why America entered the War?" Farkle raised his hand.

"Because of Germany's unrestricted submarine warfare and the Zimmerman note sir!" He may be dressing differently now, but he was still the same Farkle underneath all the black hoodies.

"That's right, and who knows why World War I started?" Farkle raised his hand again, "Maya?"

Maya looked up from her desk, "I don't know Mr. Matthews." Lucas kicked the back of her chair lightly and she spun around and glared at him.

"I think you know Maya." She continued to stare at Lucas.

"MANIA, Militarism, Assassination, Nationalism, Imperialism, and Alliances." She said before turning back around to face Cory. "Those are the main causes of World War I."

"Good, now which of those has happened right here in this school with your very own classmates? Riley?"

"All of them." Militarism, Farkle and Smackle were trying to build up their friend groups so if they got into a fight they'd have support. Assassination, Smackle killed their relationship. Nationalism, all of their friends were showing more support to the person who was their friend first. Imperialism, both Farkle and Smackle were becoming more possessive and demanding of their friends. And Alliances, Maya was in an alliance with Smackle while Riley stayed true to Farkle. Lucas had yet to choose a side, but America eventually had to join the war.

The bell rang and everyone involved in the war learned what was inevitably going to happen when the fighting stopped and everyone who wasn't involved got a history lesson they're sure to forget after the test. Just another day in High School.

Riley ran to catch up with Maya in the hallway as she walked to her next class. It was weird for them to be at the bottom of the food chain again, they'd just came from the top of the pyramid of Middle School but now they were stuck at the bottom all over again.

"Maya, why did you side with Smackle? After she'd told Farkle to stop talking to me?" She was upset, probably because she knew in this situation Farkle was Germany, and Germany didn't win the war.

"Because Riley, Farkle was flirting with you almost every day and she had the right to want her _boyfriend_ to be loyal to her." She slammed her locker closed, not because she was angry, but because that was the only way to keep it shut.

"But I'm with Lucas."

"I know, believe me I know." And she walked away.

The day went by slowly, as it did most days, but when sixth hour swung around things always started to pick up. You see, Maya went to take AP Art Culture at the other High School, and Lucas was taking photography there. This meant they got an entire bus ride together, alone.

They always sat in the back Maya planned this so that they would have more time together when everyone else was getting off the bus. It wasn't often she got to talk to Lucas without Riley breathing down her neck. So every day she sat in one of the back wheel seats, she liked those best because she had somewhere to put her feet.

"So, America, when are you going to join the war?" She said nudging him.

"If Mr. Matthews is as right as he usually is, then I'll probably be stepping in the next time we're all together." They both laughed. Lucas has confided in Maya many times, admitting he was on her side despite what Riley wants him to believe. Besides, Maya was on Smackles side, and Lucas thought Maya always saw things the right way.

Maya rest her head on Lucas's shoulder, she was always tired. When the bus came to a stop and everyone started getting up Lucas nudged her a little.

"I just need a minute." She said, she wasn't physically exhausted as much as she was emotionally, and she needed these moments alone with Lucas to recharge. Eventually, she would feel selfish or guilty and they'd both stand up and walk off to their separate classes.

The ride back was the same as the ride there. It was strange to Maya, how she could sit and just talk to him without getting bored. They didn't need to be on their phones or with other people, they could just sit there and talk. When the bused pulled to a stop in front of their school Maya stood up and nodded.

"Thanks for the conversation." And without fail, every day after saying this she would disappear.

Maya walked home because none of the buses went into her neighborhood and her mom couldn't spare the time or money to come get her. She used to wait with Riley and then walk over to Topanga's but seeing her mom there was uncomfortable. When other people were there or when Shawn was around she would try, really try, to be a good mother, but after seeing her there after school all the time it was just disappointing to come home and find that she hadn't changed. Maya didn't blame her, she was still broken from when Kermit left and she was stuck with her as a daughter. Not exactly the ideal life.

The walk home took a little longer since it was starting to snow and no one shoveled in the city. Maya didn't have a winter coat so she hugged herself as she walked to try to keep warm. It was about a 10 minute walk from the school to Riley's and a 40 minute walk from Riley's to her house, so the trek home always took around an hour – but Maya stopped timing herself. After all there was no one at home to worry about getting home late to anyways.

On this particular day Maya stopped just in front of her apartment building. She really, genuinely stopped – everything. She closed her eyes and dropped down to the steps and felt her warm tears burning into her frozen cheeks.

Usually it wasn't until she was locked up and alone in her room that she fell apart, but today she wasn't quite sure she had the energy to put herself back together. She dragged herself up to her room and she started writing them. She started writing the letters.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, as Maya waited for the alarm to go off, she stared at the stack of papers on her desk. Her scribbles were practically illegible because she wrote with a shaking hand and tears smeared together some of the words. _So this is life._

Just as the day before- and every day before that- when the alarm sounded she turned it off and put her phone in her pocket. The day was Friday, that meant it was BINGO Thursday the night before at Topanga's café, so Maya wasn't expecting to see her mother on her way out.

The streets were silent, as they always were when she left. As much as she didn't hate it here, she wasn't a complete idiot. Maya knew that if she left even a minute late in the morning she could run into a drunk, high, or horny neighbor – which was never a good thing for a young blonde girl like herself.

When she climbed through Riley's window, Riley was –as she usually was- still asleep. She plopped herself right next to Riley and nudged her.

"Good morning sunshine." Riley turned around and put her face in her pillow. Although it was muffled Maya could still hear her say- "Peaches."

"It's time to wake up darling, the day isn't waiting for you to start." And with that Riley got up. Maya started to shuffle through Riley's closet until Riley came over to pick out her outfit.

"I swear I never have anything to wear." She said, obviously not taking notice to the fact that Maya was wearing the same shirt and jeans she did the day before, just with a different jacket.

"Not a bad problem to have," Maya said staring longingly into Riley's walk in closet with more than one row of clothes, "It'll make you more creative." Riley shrugged and pulled out a yellow dress with her favorite navy blue jacket.

In the kitchen today Topanga made oatmeal, Auggie was complaining about how "icky" oatmeal was and Maya happily ate his share of it as Topanga fixed him a bowl of cereal. The small talk was minimal, there isn't usually much to talk about at the end of the week except what to do on the weekend and the kids usually all hang out at Topanga's café anyways.

"Thank you for breakfast Mrs. Matthews." Maya said walking over to the door, with Riley right behind her. The two of them marched into the school the same as they'd done before, with Maya tugging down on her sleeves and throwing good homework in the recycling bin. The one thing that was different was Lucas.

"You're here early Huckleberry." Maya said sliding her empty lunchbox into her locker- old habits die hard.

"I was hoping I could talk to Riley…" he looked at Maya, and then Riley, and then Maya again. Maya got the hint and she went into Cory's classroom to help him set up for the day, closing the door behind her.

"What'd you want to talk about Lucas?" She sat next to him on the bench.

"Listen, your dad has me all freaked out about this World War thing and I just thought you should know," he looked at the closed door, " _If_ I have to pick a side I'm on Smackles. I don't know what's going on between you and Farkle but she had the right to be concerned."

There was a moment of silence as they both looked at the floor, everybody fights, but they were Lucas and Riley. They were supposed to be Cory and Topanga, but that's not at all what they felt like they were.

"It's okay Lucas, I agree with Smackle too." She lied, smiling and looking Lucas in the eye, "I'm siding with Farkle because he's my friend." Swiftly she got up and walked into the classroom.

"What happens when countries go to war?" Mr. Matthews asked standing in front of the classroom. "They pick sides. People can pick sides for any reason, loyalty, personal gain, or they could simply just want to be on the winning side. Whatever your reasons, just know that every war has casualties, so be ready to lose a friend to this fight, or just stop the fight."

Maya nodded along and took notes as she doodled around the edges of the page and Riley, naturally, scribbled her name and Lucas' across the page, she felt like they had to be together. Because that's what Cory and Topanga did.

At the end of class today Riley waited for Maya outside the door.

"Hey Maya, can you do me a favor?" She asked pulling Maya off to the side towards the lockers.

"Of course."

"I know you ride the bus with Lucas sixth hour, and I know he listens to you , so could you maybe try to tell him to join my side? I know it's not your side either but- I'm really scared Mye, I'm scared our relationship might be falling apart."

Maya smiled the best she could, it was her best one. The smile that could almost completely mask the pain in her eyes. "Of course Riles."

When the time came for Maya to ride the bus with Lucas she got awkward and uncomfortable. The bus ride, her favorite time of day, was now a silent journey. When the other school was in sight she finally spoke up.

"Lucas, you need to be on Farkles' side."

"But, Maya then none of the four of us would be on your side. I don't want you to be the casualty." He said grabbing hold of her hand, she shook his hand off as the bus stopped.

"Don't you worry about me, I'm fine. Side with Farkle, Riley needs you." She stood, and she went inside of the building.

Instead of taking the bus back to the school she decided to walk home from the other high school, anything was better than having to sit through another silent bus ride with Lucas, even walking in the cold. Today her jacket was more decorative than practical so she found herself running to not get cold, staring straight at the ground to make sure she didn't slip. When she finally got home she hadn't expected to see her mother there.

Katy tried to talk to Maya but Maya could smell the tequila when she walked in so she knew she wouldn't remember any of this anyways. Maya got into her room and looked at the letters. So far there were 3, she wanted to start with the most important people and work her way back to just… people she cared enough about. She picked up her pencil and looked at the unfinished piece of paper. What else was there to say? _I'm sorry you had to know me? Thank you for putting up with me? Please don't remember me._ She sat there for a while before getting up and going to Topanga's, slamming the door on her way out. It took the extra push for her to feel like she was really leaving, the things that have happened in that home could follow you around anywhere if you didn't lock them in.


	3. Chapter 3

Riley was lying awake in her bed, it was Saturday so it was more than unlikely that Maya was going to come through her window – primarily because Cory and Topanga had made it more than clear that mornings on the weekends were meant to be Matthew Mornings, Maya could have her the rest of the day. Slowly, she dragged herself out of bed, feeling less than motivated to get up since she wasn't being told the day wasn't waiting for her. She tugged on a sweater and some leggings and made her way over to the kitchen for the Matthew Morning Breakfast, todays feast was Cory's super special waffles. The secret was he replaced most if not all of the flower in the recipe with powdered sugar.

"Morning sweetheart!" Topanga said kissing her on the top of her head. Riley smiled, but she wasn't exactly happy. It wasn't that she didn't love her family, because she did, but they were everywhere all the time. It wasn't like with Maya where she could just do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted.

"Are all of you going to the café today?" Cory asked scooping a waffle out of the waffle maker, "because I can give you Monday's lesson today if you'd like." Riley nodded and looked down at her sugary plate.

"Yeah we're going to the café, and I think we're good on the lesson dad. Lucas texted me last night saying he's switching over to Farkles side- maybe this isn't a world war." Cory laughed and Topanga muttered 'oh no.'

"You know Italy switched sides during the war too."

"So you think we're still at war, dad?" Cory moved to sit next to Riley.

"I hope not sweetheart." They hugged, like always, and when Riley was finished eating and all fueled up on artificial energy she changed her clothes and left for the café.

When Riley got to the café Maya and Lucas were sitting next to each other already and Farkle was ordering a muffin at the counter. Riley took a seat on the chair next to the one with Farkles stuff on it, which he moved to the table so he could sit down.

"Maya, everyone is on my side except you. Why is that?" Farkle asked pulling off the paper on his muffin.

"Farkle you and Riley flirted in front of Smackle throughout your entire relationship," she leaned back a little and slightly towards Lucas, "She had the right to be worried that you two were something else."

Farkle and Riley looked at each other and laughed.

"That's silly Maya, we're obviously not." Riley said, focusing mainly on how much conversation she probably missed because of Matthew Morning Breakfast, _if only my parents were more like Maya's, I can take care of myself._

Maya put her hands up and reached forward to grab her cup of water off the table, "Look I'm not saying anything was going on I'm just saying I can see why she was worried. Can we talk about something else? Please?" She sipped her water pretending not to see how Lucas was looking at her, he couldn't be looking at her. No one ever looked at her.

Riley looked over and saw how Lucas looking at Maya, she didn't really piece together how they felt about each other quite yet but she saw him looking.

"You agree with her don't you Lucas." She said, getting a little flustered, just a few hours before he'd agreed to agree with her.

"I, personally, think this is all getting a little out of hand. This is all between Farkle and Smackle, this isn't a war it's a break up. Stuff like that happens in high school."

Katy walked over and refilled the cup of coffee on the table and Maya shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Lucas put his hand on her leg for a moment to let her know that she wasn't alone, before he shifted so Riley didn't notice. When she walked away Riley sighed.

"Maya, your life is literally the best. I wish my parents were more like your mom."

"Trust me sweetie," she started to lower her voice, ending her sentence in a mumble "you don't."

A few hours later everyone had to go their separate ways and do their school work for the weekend, Maya was coming back to Riley's house and she was going to help Riley babysit Auggie. Topanga drove them back to the apartment so they wouldn't have to walk and when they got up there Auggie was waiting for them on the couch. Maya went straight for the fridge, which was always a strange thing to Riley but she didn't mind, her parents were always okay with Maya eating as much as she wanted. Maya grabbed a box of Ritz crackers and a glass of apple juice before settling next to Riley on the couch.

"Maya?"

"Yeah, Riles?"

"Did you notice anything different about Lucas today?" Maya choked on the apple juice, she had to run to the sink to keep from coughing juice all over the living room. "Because I think there's a lot of tension between us." Maya came over with a towel and dried off the coffee table and re-settled next to Riley.

"I don't know Riles, I've never had a good relationship with anyone but you."

They clicked on the TV and were watching Disney Channel with Auggie, they would never tell anyone but they actually did enjoy some of the shows on there. During all the shows Maya was imagining life with the perfect TV family, where there are two parents and no one gets hurt, while Riley was fantasizing about living like Maya for a day. Leaving the house without being checked by what felt like airport security, getting home whenever she'd like, and above all not having to worry about anything. After all. The grass sure looks green over there.

Around eight Cory got home from the school, there was a teacher's workshop, and so Maya had to go home. It was family game night and everyone knows what happened the last time there was a friend at family game night. He used to be okay with Maya being there, but ever since the last incident he didn't want to make it look like he was willing to make exceptions, and Maya understood. There was nothing exceptional about her. Riley gave Maya a hug goodbye and watched her climb out the window and then she went back to the kitchen to grab a bowl of chips. _I bet Maya doesn't even need to ask to eat chips, she can eat whatever she wants._

Riley sat down around the table and watched with a smile as her parents fought between what game to play and Auggie slid into her lap. For, not the first time, they all fell asleep before even playing a game because in reality choosing what to play was the game. There used to be a schedule, however that didn't really last since someone lost it.

The next day was Sunday and Riley got all dressed and ready for church. Church was great, during adult Bible study her and Lucas could just talk to each other with no one interrupting, which would be a nice change of pace considering all the tension from the week.

Inside the church it was lovely, there was colored glass paneling on the ceiling and sound proof walls so you couldn't hear the New York city street language in church. The Matthews always chose to sit in the front row, right in the wet zone- it was only really bad whenever the Pastor said Sabbath or Scripture. Typically Riley doodled in the pamphlet they give out when you walk in, she was listening but she was more focused on making her drawing of an eye look less like she was drawing a beetle.

When the service was over Cory and Topanga brought Auggie down into the daycare center while Riley went into the fellowship hall where she usually met up with Lucas. The pastry of the day today was jelly doughnuts and Riley happily grabbed one before standing next to Lucas at a table.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Hi."

Silence. They both ate their doughnuts in silence, watching as people came through. Riley enjoyed to watch people, it freaked her out how every single person in the world has different thoughts and memories.

"We should try to bring Maya in here sometime." Riley said, trying to break the silence, while crumpling and smoothing out her napkin.

"I think if and when Maya wants to come she will, I don't want to force her into believing anything." Lucas was ripping his napkin into small pieces.

After what seemed like decades the adults finally came out from Bible study and collected their children to bring home. Riley and Lucas said a goodbye that was just as uncomfortable as their hello and they went their separate ways.

Upon arriving back at their apartment Riley went into her room and onto her phone. She wanted to text Lucas to figure out what was going on. Riley was best at communicating over text, it gave her time to figure out what she really wanted to say and it was much easier to leave a conversation then it was in person. This specific text conversation however was not as successful as they usually are for Riley, especially since it ended with her agreeing to "just talk in person tomorrow."

Riley got ready for bed and had her lights out by nine. She checked her phone for any new messages, there were only a few so she clicked it off and went to bed. Of course she had no idea what was going to happen tomorrow morning.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Riley woke up to Topanga vigorously shaking her foot. Riley sat up and looked around, her window was open

"Peaches?"

"She's probably just a little late today." Topanga said with a smile, "c'mon I made cinnamon rolls."

Riley floated out of bed, a little confused, but not worried. Maya was never late, but there were always possibilities like a delay because of snow or having to walk to the front of the building because the fire escape steps were too slippery. She sat at her spot at the table and happily ate breakfast. When Maya still hadn't shown up Topanga grabbed a plastic Tupperware container from the cupboard and put the extra rolls in it.

"Give this to Maya when you see her at school, alright Riley?" Riley nodded and took the container. Since Maya wasn't there she had to walk with her father to school, which was possibly her least favorite thing in the world.

"You know Maya's mom let's her walk all over New York _alone._ " Riley said walking faster because she saw a kid from school, it was bad enough her dad was a teacher but she didn't need a chaperone- 15 is a very responsible age.

"There's a lot about Maya's life you still don't know." Cory said, trying to figure out his lesson plan for the day. Nothing really happened that he could directly relate to his children's lives.

"I know everything about Maya you're being ridiculous."

Just like the day before when they walked into the school Lucas was sitting on the benches. It was partially because he wanted to talk to Riley, but mainly because his dad has needed to get to work early the past couple of days so Lucas started getting dropped off earlier. Cory, after being 'given the look' by Riley, retreated to his classroom to set up for the day without the help of Maya.

"Hi Lucas!" Riley smiled and sat next to him.

"Hey- where's Maya?" He turned over his shoulder to make sure she wasn't standing around somewhere waiting to pop out and go 'ha-hurrr'. Riley shrugged.

"She's probably sick, why?"

"Maya? Maya doesn't get sick and when she does she still shows up. Remember that week she came to school with the _flu._ "

"No."

"Well I do, she threw up in my backpack."

"Hey Lucas?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do we only ever talk about Maya?" Riley loved Maya, she was her best friend, her sister, her partner in crime, but she didn't love having her as the only topic her and her boyfriend ever seemed to talk about. Lucas pressed his lips together.

"Maybe she's the only thing we have left in common." The doors near them pushed open and a few of the kids from their class came in, Lucas sat up a little straighter in case one of them was Maya. None of them were. He slumped back down and leaned against the wall behind him, their first class hadn't even started and already he was wishing the day was over.

Riley sat down in her spot, right in front of Farkle. Everyone was here, except Maya. When the bell rang Cory turned around and saw this.

"Huh, guess I have to turn in attendance today." He scribbled a note to himself down on a post it and then moved in front of his desk. "I'm not going to lie to you kids I've got nothin'." He flipped the name sign on his desk around so it said Farkle Minkus and traded places with Farkle. Farkle time went all the way up to the end of the class and even Mr. Matthews learned something. While leaving the classroom Riley looked around to find Maya, but quickly realized she wasn't there. On her way to second hour, French – her and Maya were taking it together – Lucas grabbed hold of her arm.

"Don't you think we should look for Maya?" He whispered to her, looking around to make sure none of the teachers heard him even considering ditching school for the rest of the day.

'Maya is fine Lucas, I think you're the one with a problem." She turned her head after realizing she had been shouting. "Maybe we need to take a break, figure some stuff out. Maybe then we'll have something other than Maya to talk about." She re-adjusted her bag on her shoulder and walked into her class.

Sixth hour, the bus ride to there and back was eerily quiet for Lucas. Maya always came to school. When he climbed in driver's seat of his mom car, after she slid over to the passenger's seat, he just looked out onto the road for a while, staying in park.

"You want me to drive sweetheart?" His mom asked, rubbing his shoulder with her hand.

"No, mom, I'm okay. Do you mind if we stop somewhere before going home?" She nodded and Lucas started driving to Maya's house. After turning into her neighborhood his mom reached for the door and locked the car until they were in park in front of her building. Lucas smiled at her, trying to comfort her because she looked like she was about the get mugged, and then he put the car in park and started to walk up the steps.

The door to the building was broken and left unlocked, and the intercom on the wall next to it sparked almost constantly and had wires sticking out at every single angle imaginable. _That's got to be a fire hazard._ He pressed on and started climbing up the stairs, not trusting the elevator after seeing everything else wrong with the building. Maya lived on the 2nd floor so it wasn't too difficult to walk up to her level and when he got to her door it was shut, but unlocked. Lucas turned the handle and entered carefully, Maya was sitting on the couch reading _The Metamorphosis_ by Franz Kafka looking very… peaceful.

"You really should lock this you know." Lucas said, startling Maya. She turned around and smiled after seeing it was him.

"Don't you worry about me Ranger Rick, I grew up with these people I've got nothing to hide."She patted a spot on the couch next to her and closed her book, he watched her set it down as he sat.

"You know not even the advanced English class is reading that until next year."

"I was just looking at the pictures."

"There are no pictures." He leaned back and looked around, the room looked like it was trying it's best to hide the fact that it was falling apart, and he respected that. There was some sort of beauty in destruction that he couldn't help but be intrigued in. "Maya, why do you always hide the fact that you're so intelligent." She shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

"I don't know what you were talking about Huckleberry, I was just looking at the pictures." She got up and put the book on the shelf. All the shelves were crooked and all the books on them were being held together by what looked like scotch tape and gum. "Riley told me what happened." Now it was Lucas who was shifting uncomfortably.

"Oh... " She leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder like she always did during the bus rides and they sat like that until Lucas' mom was honking the car horn to tell him to hurry up, she was most definitely freaking out. "Promise me you'll come to school tomorrow, no matter what."

"I promise." She gave him a quick hug and then he was off, and she was alone again. Maya walked over to the couch again, picked up her book and started reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Maya Hart woke up to the blaring sound of her alarm with her phone on the table and her book on her chest. She bolted up and rushed around the apartment, for some reason this tiny place seemed so much bigger in a rush. Tripping and stumbling Maya was struggling to pull herself together enough to leave, first she put her pants on backwards, and then her shirt was inside-out. It was as if the universe was telling her to stay home again, like she wasn't meant to go out the doors. Regardless of what she thought the universe was saying she made a promise, she promised Lucas she'd come to school, she promised Riley she's always pick her up before school, and she'd promised herself that she'd let anyone suspect she was anything but okay.

Eventually, she'd found herself ready for the day – pants and shirt put on correctly and all. She turned back to grab a jacket but she was already running late to get to Riley's so she decided to skip the coat and just speed walk the entire way there. She slammed the door behind her and Jeremy was sitting outside with a beer bottle in his hand.

"Hey blondie keep it down I'm trying to drink!" He was squinting and from the collection of glass bottles around him you could easily assume he'd been 'trying to drink' all night. He stood up and started to walk in her direction.

"I'm sorry Jer, I'll leave you alone." Had Jeremy been her mother she would have ignored him and run off to her room, locking the door behind her, he however was not. And there was nowhere for her to run off to.

"You think you're letting me off the hook blondie? Think you could take me?" He was walking closer and closer and she kept backing up until she was up against the building and he was in her face. "You think I'm scared of you, do you blondie?" He laughed and the stench of beer made her wince, and he took notice.

With one swift motion he had his hands wrapped around her neck and her feet were lifting off the ground. Maya was flailing and squirming but she wasn't a match against drunken rage. Just as she started to fade out a little he threw her onto the ground, she put her arms in front of her and when she landed on the concrete her hand smashed into a beer bottle sending shards of glass deep into her skin. Jeremy then began to kick her and he got down on his knees and beat her until she smashed a bottle on his head, he took a shard off the ground and slashed her face with it, then he spit on her and walked away.

Maya lay on the concrete, everything felt much worse in the moment but from previous experience she knew nothing was broken. She mustered up just enough strength to climb up the stairs back to the apartment where she started picking glass out of her hand. When she got most of the glass out she cleaned her hand with some hand sanitizer and went into her room to change her clothes since the ones she was wearing were now completely ripped and covered in blood. She opted for jeans – which hurt like h*ll to put on- a long sleeved t-shirt and a jacket, she also wore one glove on her hand to hide that. Everything was covered, everything was hidden. Everything except the massive gash on her face which was still dripping with blood.

On her way out Maya grabbed a dirty washcloth off of the counter to hold to her face on her walk to Riley's- if she was lucky she'd make it in time and the bleeding would stop.

By the time she got to Riley's building Riley would've already left for school, so Maya pressed on and walked to the school alone. A bunch of people were staring- who wouldn't? There was blood drying in her hair and she didn't have enough time to wash it out before she left. By the time she got to the school everyone was already making their way into their first hour so she followed suit. She threw the cloth out before walking in and she moved her hair around to try to cover the wound. When she walked in she made sure to tilt her head down so it wasn't too suspicious all her hair was in her face, but not enough that you could see the blood in her hair.

Maya tried to focus on what Mr. Matthews was saying during the lesson, but the lights were too bright, everyone was talking so loud, and her head felt like it was about to explode. She must have been making a face because Cory knelt in front of her desk.

"Maya do you need to go to the nurse?" Her hair was still covering half of her face and the shadows his her neck relatively well, so she assumed she was making a face.

"I'm okay." She croaked out, she was surprised at her own voice. It was broken and brittle, she could barely make out a whisper.

"Maya are you okay?" Lucas said from behind her, leaning forward. Riley looked at her phone, bored because she thought this was just Lucas paying attention to Maya to annoy her. Maya turned around and her hair shifted so you could just see the beginning of the laceration.

"Oh my gosh Maya, what happened?" Lucas moved to brush more of her hair back but she stood up and stiffly walked out of the room. Riley caught the end of the conversation so she rushed out of the classroom to go see what was going on.

When she got to the hallway Maya was sitting on the floor with her head in her hands, she was shaking a little and you could see the blood on her scalp.

"Maya?" Riley sat in front of her and moved her hands away from her face revealing the entire gash, "Oh my- Maya you have to go to the nurse or the hospital or something, Maya you need help."

"No Riley." She whispered even softer now that she was choking back tears, "If I do they'll examine me and take me away from my mom." Riley looked at her, she didn't know what to do, she thought she knew everything about Maya, she thought she knew all of the bad things because she told Maya everything.

"Maya – why would they take you away from your mom?" Maya leaned into Riley, letting the tears fall, burning as they entered the wound on her face. Maya didn't need to say a word more, Riley knew. She could figure it out, because Maya didn't wear flip flops or sandals in the summer and she always wore socks. Because Maya wore jackets when it was 80 degrees out and because every time she wore shorts or a skirt she wore tights underneath it.

Riley helped Maya up just before the bell rang and helped her to class, trying to make sure the stares were minimal, she was doing everything she could to help her, she felt terrible. Only when Maya looked as hurt on the outside as she was on the inside did she ever take notice, and the worst part of it all was Riley still had no idea how bad things really were for Maya.

After French Riley helped Maya into the bathroom and started to help her wash out the blood in her hair.

"Maya, did your mom do this to you." She shook her head, and mouthed the name Jeremy, but Riley had no idea who that was.

Maya managed to go through most of the day unnoticed besides the fact that for a good few classes she had soaking wet hair. She was standing out by the curb waiting for the bus and Lucas was standing a few steps away as though he thought getting too close would scare her away like he did in History. However, when the bus pulled up Maya tried to get on by herself but she was still too sore so he pushed past the crowd of annoyed students and helped her all the way back to their seat. After they sat down, and she was by the window with nowhere to run off to, he gave her a good, long, worried look.

"Maya why won't you just tell me what happening." The bus started to move and she knew he would be persistent so she tucked her hair behind her ear, and that's when he noticed the black bruise wrapping all around her neck.

"Maya who did this." His voice was no longer worried, it was hostile and demanding, just like she remembered her father's voice. She tried to shrink away towards the window and escape the memories that were crashing through her head of her father and mother sobering up in the morning and then wondering who had given their little girl such big bruises, not realizing it was them.

"Lucas, I'm fine." She played with the end of her hair, "It's my fault I slept in."

"You shouldn't be here Maya, you need to go to a hospital."

She looked down at her hands and smiled, "But I promised you I'd be here."

He wrapped his arm around her and she went stiff at first, but this was Lucas not Kermit or Katy, so she let herself melt like putty into his shoulder, she fit so perfectly there. Funny thing is when you love talking to someone so much you don't need to talk anymore, you can just sit in silence and be perfectly happy just existing together.

"Promise me you'll never keep a promise again if it ends up getting you hurt." He put his head gently on top of hers and held her close as if she were going to slip right out of his arms and disappear.

"I promise."

Maya came home to Katy that day, the apartment still reeked of alcohol, it was a miracle that Topanga never noticed when Katy showed up to work smelling of a booze and slurring her speech. Maya set the empty lunchbox on the counter and smiled.

"Hi mom."

"Hi honey," she stumbled over and kissed her on the forehead, "Oooh I like your new makeup look, it's like you're a warrior RAWR." She giggled and rubbed her thumb against part of the cut which caused the scab to reopen. "Oops I messed it up." Maya held her head back and found some tape left over so she wadded up some toilet paper and taped it to her face, when she was finished dressing her wound she went back to find her mom pouring herself another drink.

"C'mon mom sit on the couch with me." She said plopping down on one of the old cushions. Katy came over slowly, her drink sloshing around and sat down next to Maya. Maya took the drink out of her hand and set it on the table.

"Here lay down for a little bit I'll get you another drink." Katy leaned back and just as Maya made it to the kitchen she passed out, Maya grabbed a blanket off one of their chairs and placed it over her mom, picked up the drink and poured it down the sink. After that Maya walked into the bathroom and took off all her clothes except her bra and underwear. She had the obvious gash on her forehead, her hand looked like it could split in two in an instant, her stomach, arms, legs, and neck were covered in bruises, and there were scrapes on her arm from landing on the concrete. She then looked down at the bottoms of her feet, there were black circles from when Katy and Kermit would smoke together, and they'd always end up putting their blunt out on her. She had these burn marks on the bottoms of her feet and around her back. _I'm fine._ She started the water for her shower. _I probably deserved it._

Her shower was quick as it usually was and she was sitting at her desk in her room with a towel on her head reading through the letters she'd already written. It was weird seeing the words she'd thought for so long down on paper, but it was comforting knowing they were there. However, Maya grew up knowing that whatever she did was initially never good enough, so she decided to study what other people had to say. After finishing _The Metamorphosis_ Maya went to the shelf and picked out the book she was most excited to read – _The Waves_ by Virginia Woolf.

Maya was just really getting into the book when she got a text from Riley in the group chat, she was wondering what she was doing and if she was okay.

 **Maya: I'm okay Riles, just reading a book.**

 **Lucas: Looking at the pictures again?**

 **Maya: Naturally**

 **Farkle: What book?**

 **Maya: The Waves.**

She smiled and set her phone aside, face down, all she wanted was to finish the book. You see, Maya took a lot of inspiration from Woolf, she wrote the words that Maya couldn't figure out how to say, art could only tell so much of a story- and paintings can be misinterpreted, this is why she was writing letters. Words are the only sure way people understand what you're saying.

A few hours later, it was dark out and Maya set the book aside and was on her phone texting Lucas.

 **Lucas: "For this moment, this one moment, we are together. I press you to me."**

 **Maya: "Come, pain, feed on my. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. I sob, I sob."**

 **Lucas: I was kinda hoping you wouldn't know the rest of the quote**

 **Maya: Sorry Huckleberry I know everything**

 **Lucas: Then why do you let everyone think you don't?**

 **Maya: "On the outskirts of every agony sits the divine fellow who points."**

She then shut off her phone again, and turned off her light, she wasn't going to risk sleeping in ever again.


	6. Chapter 6

Maya's face was healing nicely- although there was still a very obvious scar- and she'd finally fully recovered her voice, and now when she saw Jeremy in the streets he wouldn't look her in the eye- guess he wasn't all that drunk after all. The one major this that Maya hated about this was how people saw her so much differently now. Lucas, Riley, and Farkle all danced around her as if she were this delicate little flower that they needed to be careful around because if they got too close she would wilt away. This was bothersome mainly because Maya spent her entire life leading people to believe she was this strong, secure, girl who didn't take any crap from anyone. Lucas hated the way things changed too, he hated how every time he looked at Maya's face, or thought about reaching for her hand, he was reminded that someone out there touched her, someone in the same state as him hurt her, and she wouldn't tell him who, so he couldn't do anything about it. Riley hated how closed up it all made Maya, she would try to deny it but Riley saw how often she flinched. If anything came her way she looked terrified as though she thought it was going to maul her, even if it was just Riley going in for a hug. Lastly, Farkle hated it because he saw how much pain both Riley and Maya were going though because of it. He only cared enough to look at the physical pain Maya was enduring but he saw the circles getting darker underneath Riley's eyes, he saw she worried that something would happen to Maya again. Mr. and Mrs. Matthews had of course offered medical help to Maya when she came to pick up Riley the day after the attack but she said she was fine, of course a few weeks later as she sat in her desk with her hand on her cheek feeling the scar she was wondering if she really was fine.

The seven minute bell rang and Maya grabbed her sketch book and headed out to the bus to go back to school. Lucas had been so stiff recently she wasn't exactly sure how to talk to him anymore. She climbed up the bus steps and made her way back to the wheel seat, sitting down and putting her feet up on the budge where the wheel was, Lucas – of course – slid in beside her.

"So…" She said looking down at her hands, "Are you going to Topanga's after school today?" He looked at her and tried to smile.

"Would you like me to go?" He turned to face the back of the chair in front of them, he missed her face, but he hated being reminded of how helpless he was sometimes. She leaned her head on his shoulder again, just like always.

"Yeah, I'd like you to come."

The bus pulled up in the bus loop of the school, everyone filed out and Maya started walking to Topanga's. It wasn't too far from the school, further than Riley's place, closer than home. When she finally got there and pushed open the glass door Riley was standing there waiting for her.

"Peaches."

"Darling." Riley stepped a little to her left and Maya could see a man sitting at the counter drinking a coffee, he turned around and grinned.

"Maya!"

"Shawn?" He got up and came over and wrapped her in a big arm, when they let go he held her face in his hands.

"What happened?" He asked brushing aside some of her hair.

"Nothin' I can't handle." She smiled up at him and he kissed her on the forehead, Katy came out from the back room with a pastry and handed it to Maya.

"How was school today sweetheart?" Maya stiffened as her mother moved in to stroke her hair, she stepped back slowly so that to not draw any attention from the situation.

"It was good mom, Mr. Matthews is an excellent teacher." The three of them; Riley, Maya, and Shawn, sat down on the couches started talking to each other, waiting for Lucas and Farkle to show up.

Farkle, Lucas and Cory all eventually came along. When Cory came in he swept Shawn away to wherever the adults always went. Conversation slowed, Riley wasn't talking to Lucas, Farkle wasn't talking to Maya, and it was kind of hard to keep a discussion going if only two of the members could talk at a time.

Eventually parents started arriving to pick their kids up, after Farkle and Lucas left it was just Maya and Riley again. Just the way they liked it, only the two of them.

"Listen Riles, I better head home before it gets too late."

"I understand." Riley smiled and placed her hand on Maya's knee, Maya got up to leave but on her way out she grabbed a ring that was sitting on the table, one that was not hers.

The walk back would've been terrifying, had Maya had anything to lose. Instead she wandered lost in her mind relying solely on muscle memory to take her back home. She fiddled with the ring as she walked, twirling it in-between her fingers, watching the way the street lights would reflect off the tiny surface. It wasn't a special ring, or one that would seem to have much value. It was an old metal thing that some kid probably got in a gum ball machine, but she liked it, she was fascinated by it. This was one of Maya's major problems, she found herself so boring and useless she took too much interest in other people's lives. She collected their "lost treasures" (as she like to put it) and gave each of them a story, imagining it was her own.

 _Where'd you get the ring Maya? Oh this old thing? I've had it for years, I won it at a carnival with my dad. We played one of those games where you try to knock down the cans – they thought I couldn't do it but I could. I only knocked a few down but I was little so they gave me this ring. I love this ring._

Clouding her mind with fake memories, when she got back she placed the stolen ring on her table along with a collection of other things she'd swiped; an old receipt, a broken plate, a door knob, the works. The way she saw it, she wasn't stealing. She was giving these things that had been abandoned a home, and they were giving her the ability to imagine a life where you weren't so worried about when your parents came home.

Maya opened up her Algebra textbook, these equations all made sense to her. Things like parabolas came so easy to her, but she didn't want anyone to know. So, she pulled out an old notebook and re-started the letters, with new inspiration from _The Waves_ by Virginia Woolf. The first letter? To Riley of course, her partner in crime. She began with writing an algebraic equation, just as evidence that she could in fact do them – even the ones Farkle couldn't. Then she wrote, in metaphors and run-on sentences that mixed together in such a mess only Riley would understand them, if she even ever read them.

The front door slammed shut and Katy stumbled into the living room.

"MAYA!" She hollered, stomping her foot on the ground. Maya ran to her mother obediently and got worried as she was immediately hit with the stench of whiskey and nicotine. "Maya darling come here!" Maya took a few steps towards her mother, worried since she hadn't smoke since Kermit left.

"Mom, I'm here." She didn't exactly know what it was that made her parents hate her so much, especially when they've smoked a few and had quite the time at a bar, but she was constantly wondering what was so wrong about her that was so easily hate-able. She made a list, it sat in the drawer of her nightstand, it started out as a simple sheet of paper which has grown into 2 whole notebooks, filled with reasons she in unlovable.

"Maya darling," Katy stroked her face with her free hand, " _You_ are a spoiled, worthless, brat."

Maya looked down at her feet. "I know mom." Katy spun around and raised an eyebrow.

"Was that attitude?"

"No mom." Maya started to step away, Katy lifted the empty wine bottle in her hand and smashed it against Maya's head, the glass shattered and Maya fell down to the ground unconscious. Katy knelt down and started crying.

"My little girl," She combed the glass out of Maya's hair with her fingers and held her close to her chest, "I wish I didn't have to discipline you."

AUTHORS NOTE: Hey guys! SO I know this chapter is kinda bad and a little weird like ? I know in the last chapter Maya got beat up and now her mom is smashing wine bottles on her head but I swear I'm not crazy it all has a key point in the plot and a bunch of this chapter is foreshadowing so please just stick with me for a little bit it will all make sense in the end and then maybe this won't seem as stupid of a chapter. Thanks! xx


	7. Chapter 7

Mornings with the Matthews were a lot better with Shawn around, he really understood Maya. She thought that maybe since he understood her he could help her, without her having to ask for help. That's the thing about feeling worthless, you know you should get help but you don't think you're worth asking anyone to help you. It was now leading into the cold season, the time of year where lights get strung up and people usually seem a lot happier about themselves and their lives – and this was true for even Maya. Because Shawn came back for the holidays. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans, biting her lip to remind her that the cold she was feeling wasn't the worst pain imaginable – although in the moment it felt like it was. Maya turned back and smiled at Riley who was all bundled up with a heavy winter coat and mittens on her hands, her cheeks were a little pink though because her face was uncovered.

"Hurry up Riles we're almost to school." Maya started to sprint, the wind slapping her in the face and making her fingers sting, she was running like her feet might just lift off the ground and she could float away – drift off with the wind, off to a better place.

In the building the hallways stood quiet and still, more calm than most winter mornings because of early activities. Maya helped Mr. Matthews carry his books and new lesson plans to his classroom and then took her seat in the front of the room. He started to walk through the rows placing papers on all the empty desks. Maya picked up the sheet and started reading it.

"What is this Mr. Matthews? The wander assignment?" She flipped the paper over and began to doodle a sky line on the bottom of the sheet, school hadn't even started yet and already she was letting her mind drift.

The skyline she drew was not like most, with skyscrapers and lit up windows, she drew one of a city falling to ashes, with broken rooves and cracked windows – because this was the skyline she knew and was familiar with.

At 8:10 everyone was in their seats and ready to start the day, it was spirit week and Riley and Farkle had gone all out. They were both in horrendous holiday sweaters with flashing lights and enough sequins to make you vomit rainbows.

"Good morning class so today I have a new assignment for you." Matthews said from the front of the classroom.

"Aw BOO!" Maya hollered.

"You all live in New York, it's an American Dream to come here and you all take it for granted, so I'm assigning you the Wander Project – as you'll see on the paper in front of you. Each of you will be partnered up with the person sitting behind you, and for those of you in the back row the person in front of you, you're all 16 or about to be so you can drive or call a cab, and I want you all to travel around New York and see the sights that often get over looked in comparison to places like the Empire State Building or the Statue of Liberty. You and your partner must go to at least 5 different places together and document your journey in a creative way, this will be due in May, replacing your final."

"Mr. Matthews?"

"Yes Farkle?"

"Can we still take a final?" Maya turned around and glared at him. "Never mind sir, I'm very interested in this project."

"Good, now everyone meet with your partner and discuss."

Maya swung herself around so she was sitting in her chair backwards, Lucas was smiling at her but when she looked at him he looked down at his notebook, and as always she pretended not to notice.

"So I was thinking-"

"Here's what's going to happen Huckleberry, we're going to go to 10 places in New York – we're each going to pick 5 – we go where the road takes us and we stop at unexpected places. Mr. Matthews wants us to wander New York, so let's do it right. No phones, paper maps purchased at gas stations only, if we see something strange, beautiful, or unbelievably ordinary, we pull over and embrace the moment. And under no conditions can we question a location, we're wandering remember. I want our locations to cover it all – the big, the small, the unexplainable, all of it. Got it Ranger Rick?"

"Wow Maya, I must say I was not expecting you to be so into this. But I have a few conditions of my own."

She knit her eyebrows together and tilted her head, "Like?"

"You draw. We'll take a picture of wherever we go and then you'll draw it how you saw it and I'll write the way I saw it. We'll be making our own little book for you to look at the pictures of."

Maya smiled and they looked into each other's eyes for a moment, then she spun back around and started scribbling down places she might want to go. This was the best history final ever. The bell rung and she looked back to Lucas.

"We start this thing today. You and me. Topanga's after school."

"I can drive now Maya do you want a ride?" She scrunched up her nose.

"I'm perfectly fine walking myself hop-along, but thanks anyways." She turned on her heel and waked out of class.

Topanga's. It really was a wonderful café, it always had this warm feel – and it wasn't because every time you went in you were coming out of the cold. The bakery shelves were always full, not because they never sold out but because they always seemed to have more. Topanga was the type of person who would make extra, and with whatever was leftover she'd give it away to the homeless shelter. That's one of the main reasons people supported the café so much.

When Maya walked in Lucas was already sitting at the counter jotting down notes in his note book, her was listing places he wanted to go with her. She walked over and set her notebook down before sitting next to him across the counter.

"Maya, what if we go to more than ten places?" Lucas said, slightly dazed and confused after noticing how Maya's notebook was filled with places to go – and how his own was starting to look the same way.

"Then we go to more than ten places."

They were working together and planning everything out, Maya narrowed down her locations to a simple seven, five of them being places to wander, two of them a place for her to show to Lucas outside of the assignment. As they collaborated sometimes they'd both turn their heads to each other at the same time and their face would be so close to each other they were almost touching and they just look into each other's eyes for a second before Lucas smiled which always made Maya melt away. After that they'd continue on conversation as usual.

Farkle watched Riley watching them, sadness sinking into both of their eyes. Riley bit her bottom lip as she watched her ex-boyfriend and her best friend giggle and tease each other with a bond that she never had with him, they had such an obvious chemistry she wished she'd known before.

"Do you think they like each other?" Riley asked turning to Farkle.

"I- I think they do, but he's a good guy and she's a good friend so neither of them would want to hurt you."

"So they're not going to be together," she looked at them and how happy they looked, and she thought of how she never, ever, not once, made Lucas's eyes sparkle like that when he looked at her. "Because of me."

Farkle nodded, "Essentially."

"Am I a terrible person for being okay with that?"

"You could never be terrible Riley, you're a great person." He looked at her the way Lucas looked at Maya, but she was too busy looking at them to even notice. "So, 5 places to wander."

"Yep," She pressed her lips together and smiled, "5 places to wander."

Both groups stayed up until closing, Riley and Farkle were working hard discussing the best times for each location and how they're going to document their travels with a video, while Maya and Lucas were hardly working giggling and spreading frosting on each other's faces. They'd already had it all figured out, they'd take turns picking places and they'd stop when there was something else worth seeing along the way. After being kicked out by Topanga, Maya let Lucas drive her home since it was dark out and he insisted, and Topanga drove Riley home after Farkles chauffer picked him up.

After parking in front of Maya's apartment building she thanked Lucas for the ride then started gathering her stuff and going inside, Right before she pushed through the front door Lucas rolled down his window and shouted,

"Aren't you going to invite me inside?" Maya turned around and smiled at him pushing open the door and waiting for him to run inside. They climbed the stairs together and Maya unlocked the door to her apartment. Katy wasn't home yet, which was a good thing, and nothing seemed to be out of place or drunkenly thrown anywhere. Maya led him into her room, expecting him to seem as appalled as Riley first did walking in and seeing the leak and the mold and the crack in the ceiling. Instead Lucas smiled and walked over to her desk, shuffling though her books.

"You know if you're going to want me to believe you only look at the pictures you're going to need to stop reading books without pictures in them." Maya walked over and playfully pushed him.

"Shut it Ranger Rick." She took the books and opened the drawer where she kept all of the things she's collected to put the books inside.

"Maya what is all this?" Lucas asked, picking up the old rings and plastic necklaces, the stolen scarves off the road and the cup she took from Topanga's that was filled with all the pennies she'd found on the road.

"None of these things had a home, people just left them." She picked up an old worn down, weathered out book that she'd found a month before near a dumpster, "I give them a home, and I make up their story." Instead of judging her for stealing things Lucas picked up a stuffed bear with no arm and a missing eye.

"What's the story behind this guy?"

"A little girl won it at the rodeo her dad takes her to every year." She smiled at the bear, it was crusty and unloved because of it had a non-plush exterior.

"The rodeo? Why the rodeo?" He asked leaning back onto her desk.

Maya smiled and closed her eyes imagining have a parent-daughter tradition, one that was happy and something to look forward to like a holiday, "The rodeo because I thought of all the places I could go to win a bear, the rodeo is the one where I'm most likely to run into you."

Lucas looked down and smiled at his feet, "I should probably go."

"Yeah- um – I'll see you tomorrow Huckleberry."

"I'll see you tomorrow Clutterbucket."


	8. Chapter 8

"Good Morning Students." Mrs. Markey said from the front of the room, mathematics. What a horrible thing to have to learn. Maya sat next to Riley, bored and doodling a body of calm, untouched water in her notebook. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and hid it underneath her notebook, when Mrs. Markey turned around she quickly texted Lucas.

 **Maya: I'm bored. Let's wander.**

 **Lucas: Maya, it's only third hour**

 **Maya: Please.**

 **Wander with me.**

 **Let's sneak out of this place.**

 **Lucas: I don't know…**

 **Maya: It's not like we're DITCHING exactly, we'd be doing our History assignment.**

 **I'll be at your locker, you better come.**

Maya put her phone back in her pocket and moved her notebook onto Riley's desk, Riley stared at her confused until Maya raised her hand.

"Mrs. Markey, may I go to the bathroom please?" She had that mischievous flicker in her eye that _no one_ but Riley could see.

"Of course Maya."

Riley looked between the two. "Maya what are you doing?" She asked in a low, quiet voice.

"I'm going to the bathroom Riles." She stood up and walked casually out the door before running over to Lucas's locker.

When she got to his locker Lucas was already standing there with his black trench coat hanging on his arm. He looked worried, like he'd never snuck out of school before – which he hadn't.

"I was starting to think you weren't coming." He said handing her his jacket.

"I'm not holding your coat for you princess."

"I'm giving it for you to wear Maya – I know you don't have one." He opened his locker again and pulled out a blue winter jacket from North Face. "I've got another so don't worry about me."

The corners of her mouth turned up for a second then she slung on his coat and led him out the back door. When they got into his car they were both smiling wider than either of them had in a long while.

"Maya Hart you make life an adventure!" Lucas said jamming the keys into the ignition and starting his car.

"Lucas Friar you keep me sane." She said unfolding a map from the glove compartment, he looked at her.

"What?"

Maya, realizing what she'd said, looked around frantically, "Eyes on the road hop-along." He looked back to the road. "Turn right." She'd already found and circled the first place she wanted to wander with him.

After a few hours of road trip adventures, quick stops at gas stations and screaming the words to all the songs on the radio, they finally got to the Chimney Buffs. Lucas parked the car and they hiked to the highest peak they could. The peak, 150 feet about the ground, had a small space to stand so Lucas and Maya stood close to each other, looking down at the clay rocks that had been whipped into shape by the wind and waves.

"It's so beautiful here." Maya said looking around, her eyes settled on looking at Lucas. Here, on the highest point of the Chimney Buffs he stood with his hands on her waist, to make sure she didn't fall, and gazing into each other's eyes. Lost in the blue of the others eyes instead of the blue of the water around them.

"I know we're supposed to be looking at the natural wonder but, I think the best natural wonder of New York is you." Lucas said brushing hair out of her face. Maya smiled up at him and ran her fingers in his hair before leaning forward and resting her forehead on his chest.

"I'm sorry – I can't do this to Riley." She breathed in deeply before stepping back and trotting back down to the car.

Back in the car they had enough time to go to one more place, Lucas drove while Maya navigated and started sketching out what she thought of the Chimney Buffs. She ended up drawing two people floating just above the highest point of the rocks, holding each other. Four hours later they were pulling up to the Howe Caverns. Lucas got out of the car and opened the door for Maya, still thinking about their time on the peak. She climbed out of the car with her hands shoved deep into the pockets of his trench coat and they went inside of the small log cabin.

"Hi, we're here for a cave tour?" Maya said walking up to the counter, pulled a twenty out of her back pocket.

"That'll be $18." The boy behind the counter said, Maya handed him her money – which happened to be all she had- and took the change. "The next tour leaves in 5 minutes."

They walked over to a small group of people waiting for the tour guide, Maya walked up to a picture of inside the caves and started reading the facts. She wanted to go in with a little bit of knowledge beforehand so she could fully appreciate the natural beauty while she was seeing it.

A girl with a tangled blonde ponytail came up to the group, she was wearing a blue 'Howe Caverns" t-shirt and khakis. She was also wearing a hard hat with a flashlight, which Maya was assuming was for dramatic effect since she'd just read the caverns were well lit

"Hello everybody, my name is Mattea and I'm going to be your Cavern Guide this afternoon. If you'd please follow me out the back we're going to start our walk down into the caves. Please watch your step, the stairs are quite steep and since it is underground they can tend to be quite slippery so hold on to that handrail."

Mattea led the group out the back door and down into the cave, as Maya was about to walk down the steps Lucas grabbed hold of her shoulder and went in front of her.

"If something happens I want to be able to catch you."

They walked down the stairs carefully, only slipping a little bit like everyone else since the metal stairs were sleek with condensation. Every time Maya stumbled even slightly, Lucas grabbed hold of her upper arm and steadied her. When they got down to the bottom of the stairs the ground was paved like a tourist attraction, and Maya was slightly disappointed. Lucas picked this place because it was a natural wonder, not because it had cobblestone floors and had been constructed so it was tourist friendly. Regardless they were both still swept away by the beauty of the cave. The air was musky and damp, with a slight sulfur smell. At one point in the tour they were crossing a well-constructed bridge over the water where you could actually get a boat tour of the cave, during the time Lucas held his hand out for Maya to hold – and she did.

The last stop on the tour before they'd have to loop back around was a dead end, here Mattea took pictures of families for them in front of the only place on the tour not completely remade by man. When it was Lucas and Maya's turn for a picture they stood in front of the wall, and instead of looking at the camera they held each other close and smiled at each other.

"Thanks for a great time Huckleberry."

"Thanks for a perfect day."

Going back up the steps Lucas walked behind Maya, once again so he could be there in case she fell (which of course she didn't). Back up top Maya went to the bathroom and while she was there Lucas bought her a key chain with a gem that they claimed was mined from the caves, but was still highly doubtable. As she walked up to him he shoved the key chain into his pocket and smiled.

"Whaychya got there Ranger Rick?" She spun around him so he couldn't open the door for her and she got in the car.

"Just part of the project."

The tension was almost entirely gone from the Chimney Buffs, and this time when Maya was sketching her experience with the Caves she drew machines scrapping away at the walls, but in the center there was nothing but nature, and two people looking in each other's eyes.

When they got back school was finished and they went over to Topanga's where Farkle and Riley were waiting. They split off into pairs at the café, Riley was sitting with Maya and Lucas with Farkle were at the counters.

"Lucas, where were you all day today man?" Farkle ordered a muffin from one of the waitresses.

"I was with Maya, we were working on the history assignment." He smiled and ordered a hot chocolate.

"You know that is meant to be worked on during the weekend and after school, not during. You missed a math test."

"Farkle it's fine, I had a really good day. Maya and I-

"No Lucas, no Maya and you. You were with Riley. Friends don't break up with friends and then date that friend's friend."

"What?"

"Unless – you really like her." Farkle smiled, realizing how hypocritical it would be of him to say that and ask Lucas if it'd be okay to ask Riley out all in one sitting.

"I do, today we almost kissed."

"Does Riley know?"

"Maya where were you all day today? You just left me in math!"

"Lucas and I were working on the history assignment. I was doing school work honey nugget."

"Oh alright peaches." Riley smiled and hugged Maya.

That night Maya decided to walk herself home, despite it being late and dark. She was far too up in the clouds to care about the things that go bump in the night. Lucas left after Maya insisted she walk herself and Farkle remained in the café with Riley.

"Don't you think it's weird how Lucas is the only one of us old enough to drive?" Riley asked, tipping her mug back to try to get more liquid from the bottom. "I mean we all have our permits but, Lucas is the only one old enough to drive without an adult in the car."

Farkle shrugged, "That's kind of how it works when you're born a few months before everyone else." He looked at his feet, pretending not to see his mom pull up in the parking lot. "Riley, can I tell you something?"

"Anything Farkle, go ahead."

"Lucas and Maya almost kissed today. He told me."

"Anything but that." She slumped down deeper into her chair.

"I'm sorry, you needed to know. I assume she didn't tell you." He leaned over and gave her a hug before jogging out to the parking lot. Topanga walked over and grabbed the mug off the table.

"Ready to go home sweetie?"

"Okay."


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Maya woke up with a smile smeared across her face, besides the fact that she could never be with Lucas, life was unexplainably perfect. She had her best friend, the guy who she wanted to be her boyfriend and her … Farkle. While getting ready for the day she danced around the apartment a little, humming and swaying here and there, twirling through the door frames. Katy wasn't home yet, she hasn't been getting home much at all lately. She usually stayed up all night and then left for work in the morning, repeating the cycle and never seeing Maya. For the first time in a while though, Maya had hope. Topanga gave Katy the day off today so there was a good chance that she would be home when Maya came home from school.

Maya opened the drawer and shuffled past the letters to grab a new notebook. Today she was going to take real notes and try her best to learn and be the best version of Maya that she could be. She ran the whole way to Riley's, letting her feet beat against the ground with every step, crashing down, practically screaming to her – _You're here! You're grounded! You're awake!_

Maya sprinted up the fire escape, but when she went to get into Riley's room she crashed into glass. The window was closed. Riley was sitting in her bed looking straight at Maya through the window. She was fully dressed and sitting up straight with her legs crossed and hands folded.

Maya laughed, "Riles let me in!" She made a fake pouty face and then smiled again. Riley simply got off her bed, grabbed her bag, looked over her shoulder once more at Maya, and then walked out the door. Maya shrugged it off and went to wait for Riley by the front door, but after a few hours passed and Riley never came out Maya assumed she took a different way out of the building and wasn't going to be thrilled if Maya showed up at school. So Maya stood up, brushed off her pants, and walked home.

Getting back to the neighborhood when everyone was awake and the sun was shining wasn't as terrifying, anyone who was possibly a threat to you was inside with the lights off trying to cure a hangover. Maya pushed through the doors to her building and took a chance with the elevator – success. When she opened the door to the apartment her mom was sitting on the counter with coffee in her hands and her head hung low.

"Hey mom, I'm home." Maya said placing the notebook on the table, Katy burped and smiled at Maya.

"Hey sweetheart." She pushed herself up from the counter and stumbled her way over to Maya, falling into her arms. There was a bottle of beer on the credenza, and on the floor by the couch. Maya led her mom to her room and practically threw her onto the bed before tossing a blanket on top of her, just as always the minute Katy was laying down she was out. Maya made her way back to the living room, sat on the couch and picked up the beer by the couch, finishing it off.

Maya moved from sitting on the couch, to laying on it. She was staring up at the ceiling, feeling as though she were drifting away. She held her hands above her in the air, letting the feeling of all the blood rushing away come, until her fingers were numb and she let her arms drop. Her mind wanders to dark places, places where time and space don't exist. It was as though she could close her eyes, and she wouldn't know if or when she'd wake up.

At school Riley was obviously, not alarmed when Maya never showed up. Lucas leaned over to Farkle and whispered, "Did they have a fight?" Looking at Riley, because Maya promised him she'd always show up unless it would hurt her, and If they didn't have a fight Lucas was ready to break out of school and find her. Farkle shrugged. Zay leaned forward, of course he was listening to their conversation – Zay is always listening.

"What if she's sick? I know if I were sick I wouldn't wanna come to school, especially if I thrown'd up in your backpack before." Zay said, confusing both Lucas and Farkle as they looked back to realize that he had been listening.

"He's probably not wrong, Lucas, the last time Maya wasn't at school – oh." Farkle slumped back in his chair, Riley turned around and smiled at all of them.

"Maya is just being Maya, Lucas you've only known her for a few years, she does this stuff. She comes and she goes as it suits her. It's better for all of us really. People like Maya don't stick around and you need to realize that. She's a flake."

Lucas ignored Riley, "You're probably right Zay, she's just home sick."

Farkle furrowed his eyebrows together, for the first time in his life not paying attention in class. He'd thought he'd done the right thing by telling Riley, but he completely forgot to take Maya into account. He raised his hand during the last few minutes of class.

"Mr. Matthews, is it possible to fall out-of-love with something?" Being a man of science he relied on Cory to answer all his questions about the heart and emotions.

"Let me answer your question with a question, is it possible that your perspectives might have changed?"

"No, Mr. Matthews." Farkle looked at his hands, he still thought Maya was more level-headed than all of them, that she had better perspective, so why was it that he no longer smiled at the thought of marrying her?

"Well Farkle," Mr. Matthews said walking over to his desk, "Perhaps it's possible that you still love something, but you just love something else more."

The bell rang and once again everyone went their separate ways. Farkle was more confused than he'd ever been in his life, he was a genius at anything textbook – but he was just as lost as everyone else when it came to emotion. Farkle watched as Riley stole glances at Lucas while he was at his locker, she still liked him. It was obvious, but now that Farkle was watching Riley watching him – he noticed how Lucas was never watching Riley. He always kept his eyes focused straight ahead.

Gym class was always a horrible time of day for Farkle, he had the class with Lucas and the rest of Lucas's athletic friends. Farkle didn't exactly fill out the gym t-shirt, which made tugging and pulling at the already loose sleeves of the shirt an easy target. Of course whenever Lucas noticed something going on where Farkle was getting teased in any way he stepped in, but Lucas wasn't paying attention all the time. Gym class was filled with stereotypical days, everything from rope climbs to dodgeball tournaments. Today was basketball. This was a good thing for Farkle because all he had to do was stay away from the hoop.

He stood away from the hoop, his head down and thinking. In a perfect Farkle world Maya would come to school every day and Farkle wouldn't be so confused at whether or not he truly loves both girls equally. Eventually you have to choose between night and day, you can't stay awake forever. At the end of class Lucas walked over to him.

"I know you hate gym class, but man, you were really out of it today." Lucas said, nudging him as they walked back into the locker rooms.

"Hey Lucas? What would you do if I told you I liked Riley more than Maya."

"I would tell you to go for it with Riley, but don't like her more than Maya. Love them equally- just in different ways." He pulled off his gym shirt and changed into his classic blue t-shirt. Farkle opted for a black hoodie and some blue jeans, the most comfortable clothes in the world and yet he was so very uncomfortable. Farkle liked knowing everything, he was a genius, he knew the answer to every question before it was asked, but in situations pertaining to growing up – he was clueless, and this terrified him the most.


	10. Chapter 10

A little over a week passed, no Maya. Riley fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat, folding and unfolding her hands, crossing and uncrossing her legs. She watched the door more than she payed attention to the lesson, something about Marie Antoinette, France, who knows. The bell had rung and they were over half way through class already, but it wouldn't be the first time Maya Hart would've made a dramatically late entrance.

Everyone was seemingly moving in slow motion without her, Maya was the gravity that kept everyone grounded, she kept them all from floating away. Riley tried not to notice Lucas looking at Maya's chair like a sad puppy, Farkle keeping his head low in class and not answering any questions, and Zay looking at Lucas like he was worried he might break at any given moment. It was selfish but seeing everyone so torn up about Maya made Riley wonder if they'd even react to her leaving.

One, two, three classes past and still no Maya. Four, Five, six. Towards the end of her last class of the day Riley put a tally in her planner to mark another day with no Maya. The bell rang and she rushed out to her locker, she shoved random notebooks and papers in her backpack not even paying attention to whether or not she was bringing the right ones home for her homework. She ran down the steps to the commons area and she spotted him right away, on the way out to his car, head hung low.

"Lucas!" Riley yelled running up to him, "Lucas, I need to talk to you."

He stopped and smiled at her, it was the same smile he had after their first kiss and on every single one of their dates and Riley tried not to focus on how fake it was.

"Lucas I'm really worried about Maya, I think something might be wrong." I looped my thumbs underneath the straps of my backpack. He knit his eyebrows together and nodded along.

"I don't have to be home until later, I can drive us over to her apartment."

They walked out to his car and he drove over to Mayas neighborhood. Riley shrunk down in her chair slightly as they turned onto the street, she was still very much afraid of this place. It was easy to find parking right outside of Maya's building so they two side-stepped some drunk people asleep on the steps and walked up to her floor.

Riley was standing in front of the door, her hand raised like she was preparing to knock on the door, Lucas was standing more in the back watching with anticipation. She was stuck in the moment, who knows what tragedy was hidden behind the door. If Riley turned and left, Maya was fine. Maya would be sitting right behind that door smiling and surrounded in books she got so involved in she didn't come to school. If Riley left that door closed, Maya would be home and safe. But what if she wasn't? Riley finally worked up the courage and banged her hand on the door three sharp times. No answer. She tried the handle, unlocked, just the way it's always been. The door was almost too big for the frame it was crammed in so Lucas was the one to actually push through the door, and then they walked into disappointment.

There are worse things to see. Riley expected to see her there, right on the couch, Lucas feared the worst. After what happened about a month ago he always thought to fear the worst. She wasn't in the living room. They looked in the kitchen and the bathroom, then they turned to her bedroom door. Riley pressed through. She sighed what could easily be classified as the heaviest uplifting sigh. No Maya- which yes was upsetting to say the least but once again, there are worse things to see. It was intrusive, but Riley began to dig through her drawers.

"Riley what do you think you're doing?" Lucas said, grabbing hold of her arm and holding her back from the desk. Riley hung her head low and leaned into Lucas.

"She's got to be somewhere, Lucas, she wouldn't just leave." She wrapped her arms around him, "Even if we were fighting she wouldn't just _leave._ "

"You don't know that-" She pulled away.

"I do." She went over to Maya's bookshelf and started flipping through the books for something, anything. "It's what her father did to her, it's what everyone does to her, and that's why she wouldn't do it to me." He nodded and started to help her look around.

They must have been there for hours because when they finally left it was dark out. Lucas dropped Riley off up front at her building and waited until he saw she was safely in the elevator to drive away. Riley walked into the apartment prepared and ready for a scolding.

"Riley," Topanga started, "Farkle was looking for you at the café today." She was setting the table and Auggie was helping.

"Oh, well… I was out." She said slowly walking to her room, waiting for a reaction. Topanga smiled,

"That's alright, you'll see each other at school tomorrow. Would you mind grabbing your father for dinner?"

Riley nodded and set her stuff down in her room, then called Cory out for dinner. They all ate together – as always – except today Riley kept quiet. She answered all of their questions with one word answers. "Good." "Fine." "Eh." When they finished up she went into her room and checked her phone obsessively in case Maya texted. The only new texts she had were from Charlie, which of course she was ignoring.

She had just finished getting ready for bed and had turned off the light when she saw something out the window. Riley got up from the bed and walked over, the window which was still closed had a pink post-it note stuck on it from the outside. Without hesitation Riley opened the window and grabbed the note, smiling as she read:

I WAS HERE

– M.H.


	11. Chapter 11

It's weird how you can feel people adjusting. The more time Maya was missing, the less people cared. Everyone, that is, except Lucas, Riley, and Farkle. They lost interest, when will Maya show up? Does it matter? They continued to smile, the continued to laugh, they started to be normal. After all, why shouldn't they? Riley didn't come in early with her father today, everyone was here except the two who, arguably, mattered the most. When the bell rang, Riley walked in, she gave a sort-of-smile to Lucas and walked over to her desk. Before sitting down she turned to Maya's desk and pulled the post-it out of her pocket, sticking it onto the desk. Lucas sat up a little bit to read it, ignoring a text notification on his phone.

"Where is that from?" He asked sitting down and flipping his phone over, whoever it was Maya was more important.

"She stuck it on my window last night." She said looking forward with a smile.

Class started and no one was paying attention. There were far more important things to be thinking about, like what the theme of the spring formal might be this year (gosh maybe it could be…spring?). Lucas tried his best to pay attention during the lecture but his eyes kept drifting down to that pink post-it note. He tried to distract himself further by going on his phone. He had 2 new texts from Maya.

 **Maya: What time is it? Is it – is it wandering time? I think it is, pack your bags Huckleberry it's my turn to pick.**

 **Maya: You. Me. Bannerman Castle. Let's do this thing.**

Lucas debated it, he was in class, and he couldn't just _leave._ Could he? He slipped his phone into his pocket and tried to casually grab his notebook. He looked around the room and assumed no one would notice so he stood up and made his way to the door.

"Mr. Friar where are you going?" Mr. Matthews asked.

"Lucas you can't just leave class." Riley said, looking worried. Lucas turned to look at Cory.

"I'm sorry sir." And he walked out the door.

Sneaking to the parking lot was an adventure of its own. Janitor Harley nearly caught Lucas more than once, but he eventually made it without even bothering to stop by his locker on the way out. When he got to his car, before turning on the ignition, he unfolded the map Maya left in the glove compartment. Even if he was driving without her, he was still going to follow her rules.

A little over an hour later he pulled up to the castle, and he saw her. Maya was sitting on the steps of the castle, her hair was tousled from the days walk over to the castle but she still looked perfect, at least to Lucas. He locked the car and walked over to her, when she saw him she stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans, she was wearing the jacket he gave her the first time they wandered.

"Hey…" She said, avoiding eye contact. Her eyes started to water but she held the tears back, she taught herself how to do that long ago.

"Hey." He bit the left corner or his lower lip, he didn't know what to say. I missed you? Why didn't you break our promise? You can't just leave? What do you say to someone you're afraid is a flight risk? Maya turned and looked up at the castle.

"This place is beautiful." She said, smiling up at the sky. Thin layers of snow coated everything, and it was obvious that they were the first two to come here because there were no other footprints. Lucas stepped closer to her.

Maya led him inside the castle and they explored it together. There were big open rooms and small hallways with stairs the looked like they might fall apart. Everything was old and rustic in the most stunning way. The castle smelt like old, wet, stone, and outdoors, but it didn't bother either of them, they were too busy chasing after each other to even notice.

Soon, they grew tired of running around the stone halls and they found themselves sitting in in Lucas's car, Lucas was writing, Maya drawing. She didn't have to change anything about the location to show how it made her feel, the castle spoke for itself. She did, however, draw the castle from the perspective of someone standing inside the main entrance looking out. When Lucas finished writing he started the car and started driving back onto the road, this time they were going to really wander. No map. No location. Nothing but them. They took turns picking directions, and eventually they found themselves in the parking lot of an old library in a little town.

"Lucas, I think it's closed." Maya said laughing as he pulled her to the door.

"When has that ever stopped you before?"

She wasn't wrong, according to the sign on the window the library hadn't been open for years. Maya picked the lock with ease and they entered. The library was so uncared for they kicked up dust with every step and the shelves that still had books on them had a nice layer of dust as well. Carefully, Maya picked up books and brushed the dust off of them, examining not the cover but the actual words inside. She worked through the entire library and they met in the kids section. She picked up an old Dr. Seuss book.

"This one was always my favorite." She smiled cracking it open, "Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off an away!"

They started reading it theatrically, but this quickly evolved into them dancing around each other singing the words as loud as they could. Lucas twirled Maya and they hopped around the children's section doing their own unique style of a jive. They sang the book over and over again until they were so out of breath from dancing they fell into the dust laughing.

When the dust settled around them Maya got up and went to the table where they set down their things, opening her sketchbook to the first blank page. Lucas followed up behind her.

"What are you doing?"

She looked back and smiled at him, "We wandered here, didn't we?"

Her drawing captured the perfect moment that ended the perfect day, two people dancing in a library, with clouds of dust swirling around them. As she sketched she hummed to tune to their song, smiling down at the paper.


	12. Chapter 12

The next day Maya stood at the bottom of the steps of Riley's apartment's fire escape. She had her hands shoved into the pockets of her favorite boyfriend-cut jeans. She was hesitant, yes, but persistent. Their friendship was worth far too much to her to throw away over anything. Riley was her constant. Just as someone looks at the sun rising in the morning when they're looking for something that would never let them down, Maya looked at Riley. In the end she was willing to do anything for Riley. Maya was grounded, weighted and heavy, Maya was gravity. Riley, however, floats and drifts away. They need each other. Riley needs someone to keep her grounded, and Maya needs someone to hold on to. Throwing her fears of a closed window aside Maya pushed up the steps and climbed to Riley's apartment. An open window. Maya slipped into the room and stood by Riley's bed, watching her sleep. She wasn't creepy so she didn't hover over her for hours, she just stood for a moment, worried about what may happen next. With _extreme_ caution she slid into the bed beside Riley.

"Morning sunshine," She spoke softer than usual, Riley began to stir, "The day isn't waiting for you to start darling." Riley opened one eye, and then two. She didn't quite see Maya yet and one could just barely hear her muttering 'she's gone. You're hearing things. Snap out of it Riley.' She sat up, and so did Maya, when she did this Riley turned to her and reached out and touched her nose.

"You're real?"

"I'm real."

"I missed you so much."

Immediately both girls began to sob. To be more specific Riley started crying, so naturally Maya started crying, then Riley felt bad for making Maya cry so she cried harder and so on. "Immediately" just seemed more efficient. After they composed themselves they went out to have breakfast.

"Is it alright if I eat with you guys?" Maya asked, standing more towards the door, afraid they'd say no.

"You're always welcome here Maya, you know that." Topanga said pointing to a spot already laid out for her.

"You knew I was coming?"

"I set it every morning. You are _always_ welcome here Maya." Maya smiled and sat down, eating until she was full.

Maya smiled on the way to school. It's scientific fact that smiling improves your mood, except it didn't help Maya's mood at all. She didn't really want to go back to school, not in the ordinary, teenage rebellion 'fight the power, less homework more freedom' sort of way, but in the sense that she wasn't going for herself. She was walking to school with Riley right now because Riley wanted her to come to school, she's going to stay all day for the bus ride with Lucas, and she's going to go to Topanga's after school because it's the only time she really sees Farkle and Zay. This is, at least, was how she felt in the moment. Not much later, everything flipped. She felt just as awful – if not worse – for being such a selfish person. She left for herself, she's walking with Riley because she loves her, she's going to stay because she wants to see Lucas, she's going to Topanga because she enjoys time with Farkle and Zay. Everything she did seemed to have an underlying selfish motive, and she hated herself for that.

"Maya, are you okay?" Riley said before they stepped into the building. Maya put on a smile, which still in no way improved her mood.

"Never better." The two pushed through the doors and stepped into the empty hallway, it was going to be a rough day, but they'd face it together.

They walked into the classroom and Farkle was sitting there, recently he had reverted to his primitive "turtleneck phase". He sat in a red turtleneck and a green dinosaur t-shirt, wide-eyed and ready to "HA!" his way out of any situation. As of now, he had his head buried deep in a novel explaining Darwin's journals and discoveries while in the Galapagos.

"Farkle look who's back!" Riley spoke in the same high-pitched voice people use when speaking to babies or animals. He looked up and smiled at the two of them.

"Ladies." He smirked. Riley turned to Maya,

"You can ignore him, he's been acting like a sixth grader for the past week." Maya looked at him concerned, but she brushed it off and sat in her spot anyways.

Leading up to the beginning of class, there were multiple awkward encounters. People strolled in and did a double take before bombarding Maya with questions. Maya quickly grew tired of answering questions so she decided to have a little fun with it, she changed her story with each person. Half the class probably thought she was studying abroad in Greece, while the other half thought the band Arctic Monkeys heard her singing and invited her to open on their tour.

Lucas was one of the last people to come into the classroom, he stopped in the doorway and leaned against the frame smiling.

"Welcome back." He said walking past Maya to his own seat.

By the end of the day Maya had told so many ridiculous lies she was having trouble keeping up with the rumors. On her walk over to Topanga's more than one adult had stopped her to ask how the tour went, or if she had a nice vacation. She learned to just smile and nod or just all out ignore them. When she got to Topanga's she slumped down into one of the chairs, next to Farkle, who was sitting up straight with his goofy smile slapped on his face. Riley walked in not long after her and took her place in their little circle.

"Maya," She started, "Why have people been congratulating me for being your manager after your successful Japanese movie?"

Maya laughed, "I forgot about that one."

Farkle walked up to the counter and ordered two drinks, one for him and one for Maya. He set his on the table and handed Maya's to her so she knew for sure it was her, he knew if he just set it in front of her she'd assume it was for someone else. She said thanks with the same twitchy smile she always did when someone gave her something other than a scar or a look of pity, and it was one of Farkles favorite things in the world. He used to think that's the face he wanted to see when he walked down the aisle, but he also thought that Riley would be walking down with her with the big goofy grin she always had when she got excited, _this_ face was his favorite. Farkle tugged his turtleneck a little further up, he was changing, and he hopped if he started acted like he did when times were similar, everything else would too.

Zay walked into the café, he wasn't really rattled by any of the recent events. Back in Texas his and Lucas' old friend group flaked in and out whenever they pleased, it was who they were and no one ever lost any sleep over it.

"Welcome back Hart." He said slamming down into his seat, and this was all he said about Maya leaving, and she appreciated it. "So like when we gonna fix Farkle." He said putting his hand on his chin, "Not that I don't like turtlenecks on you dude, you just freaking me out." Farkle picked up his drink with a goofy grin on his face, sipping it pretentiously.

"Farkle is hiding from his feelings." Lucas said, looking concerned at his friend.

"I think he just needs to figure things out for himself." Maya finished.

Eventually everyone had to go home, and this is exactly what Farkle was waiting for. Zay was the last to leave besides Farkle and Riley, and when he left Farkle ran up to Riley.

"HeyRileyyouwanngooutsometime." He spoke quickly because he was terrified, and because he was acting like sixth grade Farkle. Riley smiled and tilted her head, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Farkle, I know you're only saying this because you're acting like the Farkle who wanted eleven little Minki." She awkwardly pet his hair, "I'll see you in school tomorrow – and maybe you'll be now Farkle then? I miss him." She kissed his cheek and went in the back to meet her mom and go home.

The rest of the night and into the next morning Farkle hung his head a little lower, he was like a dog dragging his tail across the floor. He didn't' wear a turtleneck the neck day, just a blue t-shirt. If being Farkle didn't suit Riley maybe being Lucas would. He met her in the hallway and smiled.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Farkle what are you doing?"

"That's where you say hey."

"Hey Farkle what are you doing."

He slumped his head down and dragged himself away. Riley shrugged off the situation, she liked Farkle, she didn't know how yet but she knew that she did, but she made the mistake of falling for the idea of a guy before, and she wasn't about to do it again.


	13. Chapter 13

After the glory days of Maya's great return the tension between her and Riley resurfaced. Things were definitely better, in the sense that they still walked to school together every morning and went about their daily best friend rituals, but Riley seemed to be pulling away. Maya wanted to reassure her there was nothing between her and Lucas if it meant not losing Riley but she couldn't exactly prove anything when she was meeting with him every day after school to work on the assignment. Farkle was over at Riley's working on their assignment when they heard three swift taps on the window, Riley got up and pushed a curtain aside and opened the window. She peered outside and when no one was there she left it open. The instant she turned around Maya swung through the window. She had to wait for Riley to turn because according to the unspoken rules of their fight they couldn't see each other outside of walking to school, school, and Topanga's. Riley turned around to the sound of someone coming inside, she recognized the top of Maya's blonde head immediately, she was putting together different angry phrases in her mind until Maya looked up at her with puffy red eyes that made it more than obvious she had been crying.

"Maya what-?"

"My dad came back."

Riley came up to her and held her face in her hands, checking to make sure he didn't leave his mark on her face. When they were kids Maya did understand why her parents hurt her, she always assumed she'd done something to deserve it, so it was crushing when he left, and even more so when she grew up to realize that her childhood wasn't normal after all.

"Did he hurt-"

"No." She pulled Riley's hands away from her face, "Lucas was dropping me home and I saw him going in, so I came here."

She braced herself for an angry Riley, she didn't deserve a friend like her and it felt like she was throwing that friendship away every time she mentioned spending time with Lucas. Riley just looked at her and pulled her into a hug whispering "You're going to be alright peaches, I've got you." _Yeah_ Maya thought, _I don't deserve you._ Farkle came in and Riley gave him a look that said 'I've got this, you can go home', so he ducked out without a word.

Riley went and checked that it was alright for Maya to stay the night, which of course it was. Maya may not have known it, or been capable of knowing it, but she was always considered family to the Matthews. Riley and Maya shared a bed that night, and they stayed up talking the entire time. Riley was used to going to bed early, but she fought the urge to just close her eyes and drift off to sleep because she knew that as long as they were talking Maya wasn't thinking about home. It was during this time that Riley realized that their ring power was stronger than any "girl code".

"Hey peaches?"

"Yes sunshine?"

"Are you and Lucas together… like _together._ " Maya rolled onto her back and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"No."

"Do you want to be?"

"I want to be your best friend." Riley sat up in bed and looked at her for a good minute or two, a serious look settling on her face.

"You will _always_ be my best friend, do you understand that?"

Maya smiled up at her and bit her lower lip, "I love you."

The next day at school they had work time for their assignments. Lucas would look at Maya working and look down, then Maya would look at him working – and the cycle repeated. Riley watched the two and smiled, Farkle looked at her and then looked down to get to work.

"It's your turn to pick heehaw." She said with a smile, retrieving the map from her backpack.

"I pick your house."

"Y-you can't do that," She looked back at Cory who was watching him, "He can't do that."

Cory shrugged, "The assignment is the natural wonders of New York, I never told you what kind of natural."

"So he can do that?"

"He can do that."

Maya turned back to Lucas who was grinning – probably a little too proudly – and then she looked at Riley, who was too busy scribbling down notes about the places her and Farkle had gone to step in. Maya bit down on her lip and looked up at the ceiling, slowly a smirk spread across her face and she looked straight at Lucas.

"Let's go to _your_ house." He shrugged,

"Okay."

"Wait – really?"

"Yeah, we can go to my house next. But right now it's my turn to pick, and I want to wander to your house Maya."

The bell rang and everyone left except Maya and Riley, Cory stood at the front of the room and wrote what looked like a structured lesson plan on the blackboard – he had other classes too, they all learned the same things it just didn't make as much sense to all of them.

"So…" Riley said, shifting in her seat.

"So."

"Want me to come with?"

Maya stood up from her seat and extended her hand to Riley, who reached and grabbed hold of it. They walked out of the room together holding hands, and they even got to the school doors together, Maya was hoping they could go back to her place and see if Kermit was still there – but of course Riley could never make it past the doors during school hours. It was fine though, Maya knew Riley wanted to, and she appreciated that she even missed the first few minutes of class to go to the door with her, but ditching school was one of the few things that Riley just wasn't capable of doing – even for Maya. So, they both went on with their day, and Maya kept worrying about who/what her and Lucas may be greeted by when they got to her place.

At the end of the school day when Lucas was walking out to his car he saw Maya already leaning against it, she had her arms crossed and she was squinting because of the sun. He went to open the door for her but she stopped him.

"We're going to my house we're getting there my way." At first Lucas hesitated when she said this, but then he threw both of their bags into the trunk of his car and they started walking to her apartment. They were quieter than they usually were together, and Lucas noticed Maya nervously picking at her cuticles and biting her nails, but he didn't mention it. After around half an hour they were standing in front of the door to Maya's apartment. Maya turned to Lucas, and then opened the door. She stepped back a little – at first – worried she would see one (or worse, both) of her parents, but neither of them were there. Kermit's bag was gone and Katy's jacket was off of the coat hanger, they were in the clear. Lucas walked over to the living room and sat on the old couch, making sure to avoid a spring that had been popping out of one of the cushions.

"How do we wander this place? We've both been here before." Maya asked, sitting next to him.

"We don't."

"Then what do we call this?"

Lucas smiled, "Our first date."


	14. Chapter 14

It was a Friday. Friday's were already whimsical on their own but this Friday was exceptionally exciting. Maya woke up with a smile on her face, this is slightly stretching the truth considering it'd be rather strange to see anyone just open their eyes with a grin spread across their face, however she was particularly less-aggressive when she slammed the top of her alarm to make it shut up. She walked over to her calendar and checked off a couple of weeks - honestly anyone who can actually keep up with marking off every day deserves an award – until she reached December 17th.

One of the things that made Friday December 17th so exceptional was the fact that it was the very last Friday before winter break. After that they'd all be free to roam like wild animals until the end of the year which always led to their inevitable return to High School – the jerks. _Just 7 hours._ Maya thought, picking up that same old empty lunchbox and smiling at the cans of spray paint huddled in the corner before racing off to Riley's house.

"WAKE UP SUNSHINE THE DAY ISN'T WAITING FOR YOU TO START!" Maya yelled crashing onto the bed next to Riley. Remember what I said earlier about people just waking up with a grin? Yeah, I take that back because that is exactly what Riley Matthews did. Before Maya even slid through the window to wake her up she was smiling. Riley sat straight up, not in the fast way that makes you feel dizzy and like you need to go back down again, but in the true Riley Matthews 'one week til' Christmas' style.

"It's a real exciting day for you peaches." She said leaning into her best friend.

"It's a real exciting day for all of us." Maya rest her head on Riley's shoulder for a moment, "Alright, get up! We've got big things ahead of us!" Maya leapt off the bed, grabbed Riley's arms, and pulled her up out of bed.

"What would I do without you?"

"Be late to school every morning."

The pair then went about their typical daily morning routines until they were standing in front of the doors of their High School. _7 more hours._ 7 whole hours until she could run out of the school with Lucas to celebrate their month together as a couple.

As expected Maya was excited and twitchy all day. Her anticipation gradually built up throughout the day. In first hour she was just a little fidgety and impatient, in second hour her mindset became _just 40 minutes until 3_ _rd_ _hour, 40 minutes is just 20 minutes twice, which means I just have to get through 10 minutes 4 times,_ by 5th hour her leg was shaking so vigorously her teacher excused her from class assuming she just really had to use the bathroom, until finally came 7th hour – the last 10 minutes four times of the day. The bus ride both to and from Abigail Adams felt even longer than usual so when they pulled back into the parking lot at the end of the day Maya nearly sprinted up the hill to the parking lot with Lucas following close behind.

Near the top of the hill Lucas caught up to Maya and grabbed her hand, pulling her back and into his arms, they were both grinning, and Maya was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"You know it's going to be really difficult to kiss you if you keep bopping around like that." Lucas said before carefully kissing her on the forehead.

"No time for that." She grinned grabbing hold of his hand and running, they sprinted straight past his car and started heading down the streets of New York.

They ran 16 blocks, their feet pressing so hard into the ground Maya thought they may just fly away. Finally they stopped in front of an old building that looked like it might just fall apart. The paint on the outside was crumbling off revealing uneven-discolored stones. Vines grew up one side of the building and weeds decorated the front. Maya cautiously tugged Lucas' hand and brought him inside where their eyes started watering from the heavy volumes of dust swirling around. She walked over to the light switch and turned it on. Slowly the lights flickered on revealing an old abandoned warehouse with one wall completely covered in intricate art. What Maya had done was she took all of their completed Wandering drawings and mashed them together… full scale.

"I'm not even going to ask how my little short stack of pancakes managed to reach all the way up there." Lucas said in amazement, pointing to the areas where the painting touched the ceiling.

Maya rocked back and forth on her heels, biting her lower lip. "Do you like it?"

"Are you kidding?" Lucas scooped Maya up under her arms and twirled her around. "It's perfect." He set her down and then pulled something out of his pocket.

"You got me somethin' didn't chya?" Maya asked hopping around him and playfully punching his arm.

"Well it's definitely not better than this." He motioned towards the painting, "but I put a little thought into yeah." He opened a little black jewelry box with a set of two rings inside, one was bigger than the other and there wasn't much to them. They were just thin gold bands, the smaller of which had a chain looped through it, and inside each band was a little infinity symbol etched in. It was cheesy, but it was perfect.

"I know you're not a ring person," he said pulling out the smaller ring with the chain through it, "but I wanted us to have promise rings."

Maya smiled and held her hair up as he fastened the necklace/ring hybrid around her neck. "It's perfect." She stood on her toes and kissed him on the forehead.

They stayed in the warehouse for hours. There was a hole in the ceiling so by the time the sun went down they were able to lay under the stars without even moving. All they did was talk and laugh, Maya was constantly twirling the ring around on the chain biting the inside of her lip. Lucas could see that she had a smile on her face but her eyes were sunken in and sad. He tried to find casual ways to bring it into conversation but every time he did she merely persisted that she was fine.

"I'm _okay_ Lucas I promise." She said for the hundredth time standing up and dusting herself off, not sure if she was trying to convince herself or Lucas. She reached out her hand and helped him up. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? We've got a full day of wandering ahead of us." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek before starting the short trek back home.


	15. Chapter 15

Maya Hart was scrambling around her bedroom digging through multiple dirty laundry piles looking for her favorite pair of black jeans before finding them tucked between her bed and the dresser. She did a quick smell check and decided no one would be smelling her legs anyways so she slipped on the jeans, hopping around the room still looking for her leather jacket. Had she woken up when her alarm first went off, or the seven times after, she wouldn't be buzzing around so frantically – but since she didn't she was in a mad rush to get ready because Lucas would be there to pick her up at any moment. Just as she feared, after buttoning her jeans with still no shirt on, there came a knock at the door. She ran to the door, leaping over the coffee table, and opened it just enough for Lucas to see her face.

"I swear I'm almost ready I'll be down in a minute." She said looking as panicked as she felt.

"It's alright, take your time, should I come in and wait or?"

Maya looked over her shoulder and saw her mom laying passed out on the couch clutching a Costco sized bottle of vodka. "You know what? I just need to throw on a shirt so you just stay right there and I'll be right back." She closed the door before he could say anything else and quickly threw on the first shirt she could find – which was a loose black shirt with splotches of paint all over it. The musk of dried paint covered any scent that may have lingered on the garment so she grabbed her back and rushed to the door.

"Hi again." She beamed up at Lucas, still trying to shove her right foot into her shoe.

"Hi there." He kissed the top of her nose and grabbed hold of her hand. Today they were wandering off to the Hudson River, which happened to be the only place Maya picked that was less than 3 hours away and Lucas had to be home early to greet his relatives who were flying in for the holidays.

The Hudson was a bit on the generic side since they wanted their adventures to be a little more than just a stroll through a history museum and tourist packed places like they figured everyone else's would be but it'd have to do.

The drive down, while shorter than other options, was longer than necessary because Lucas insisted on driving further down the river so they could get to a part with no skyscrapers and busy New York traffic horns in the distance. It was cold but they still rolled down the front windows and Maya had her hand out the window, twirling it around in the wind, practically the entire time the windows were down. At one point, however, Lucas closed the windows because when he looked over at Maya the tip of her nose was pink and he didn't want her to get a cold, she'd laughed and pretended to be upset with him.

Finally he pulled up to the river, it looked dangerous and beautiful. Snow led all the way down to the water and because it was winter the gaps of water that weren't frozen over looked pitch black. It was a mysterious sight and Maya was drawn to it. She slid down the mini hill that led to the water, walking closer to it and holding her arms to keep from shivering, the last thing she wanted was for Lucas to take her back into the car, after all the depths of the water were seemed to be singing to her. She thought about plunging into the darkness, how no one would know anything, someone could get lost in there forever. Without knowing the pull of the water drew her closer to the river until she was only about two steps in on the thin ice. Lucas turned around and saw Maya walking on the river so he ran towards her and yanked her back onto solid ground, holding so tightly onto her shoulders Maya could barely move. "What are you doing?" His voice was angry but his eyes were panicked as he studied her face- which was a combination of surprised and confused.

Maya's voice trembled as she spoke, "I guess my mind was just a little lost to the river."

Lucas's face softened and he loosened his grip on her to brush her hair back out of her face, "Just try not to get lost in the river okay? You may not know this but I've kinda got a thing for you." Maya laughed and leaned her head against his hand. She could write an entire essay about his eyes, how they were always grey and green and blue but never all at once, and how they seemed to melt her from the inside out.

After that they spent the rest of their time at the Hudson walking hand in hand and wandering in the way it was meant to be done, aimlessly and without a clue where you're going. They stopped from time to time and Lucas would wrap his arms around Maya and rest his head on hers and they'd just stand there, existing together as one person. There, in his arms, in that moment in front of the still frozen water, Maya felt at home. Which was a first, but it was a good first, like the first time she held a paintbrush and learned that you don't always need words to tell a story.

Maya rubbed her hands together and Lucas looked down at his watch, "I suppose we better start heading back now if I want to get you home and still make it back in time to greet the relatives." Lucas said shoving his hands into his pockets, "Unless…"

"Unless?" Maya rocked onto her tip toes and bit her bottom lip with a smile,

"Unless you want to meet them?"

Maya couldn't have loved the idea more, she happily agreed and they started the journey back home.

It wasn't just meeting Lucas' family that made her excited – although it also made her a little bit nervous, after all they haven't exactly been going out that long – it was also the fact that she'd get to be out of the house. Holidays are happy times for most people, but then again most people don't have to spend Christmas tending to their moms hangover

. Maya fidgeted nervously in the passengers seat the entire drive down, if Lucas didn't know she was nervous to meet his family he'd of thought she seriously had to use the restroom. After what seemed like ages Lucas pulled into the driveway of his house. It was a relatively average sized house just outside of the city in a good neighborhood, it was a brick house with a well maintained garden leading up to the front door. While Lucas unlocked the door Maya found herself wandering over to a bush with strangely shaped rose-y pink colored flowers hanging on it, most of which were either covered in frost or crumbling in the cold.

"It's called a bleeding heart." Maya said walking around the bush, Lucas looked over from the door confused before finally getting his key to work and opening the door. "Funny how something with a bleeding heart can seem so beautiful on the outside." She mumbled before following Lucas inside.

The inside of the house was even more gorgeous than the outside, whoever decorated it seriously took into account it's rustic feel. The furniture and decorations were a perfect combination of modern and rustic. A large oak table could be seen in the dining room, with heavy wooden chairs lined all around it, succulents lightbulbs hung from the ceiling alongside fully functioning bulbs to work as the most beautiful light fixture Maya had ever seen.

"Whoever designed this place is my new best friend." Immediately after she spoke a tall man ducked under a doorway to enter the same room as them. He was a well-built fellow with lean muscles that weren't overwhelming, he looked like the man Ms. Hart would always dream of – including the fact that he was wearing a perfectly tailored grey suit.

"Then I suppose we're bffs." He said holding out his hand, "Hello I'm Lucas' father. Are you a friend of his?"

"She's my girlfriend actually." Lucas said stiffening up slightly. Mr. Friar looked Maya up and down, with a more judgmental look now seeing her not just as his sons friend in a painters smock and unwashed jeans but his sons girlfriend.

"Well then," He finally said, "I hope you'll be joining us for dinner."

Lucas let out a sigh of relief as his father walked away and then gave Maya a nervous smile, "If you thought that was bad just wait until you meet my sister."

Maya looked down at her clothes, they were fine this morning but now when she looked at them all she saw were rags. "Maybe I should go home and change." Lucas grabbed hold of her hands and looked at her with a smile, "You look beautiful no matter what you're wearing."

Slowly, more Friars started to show up at the house, each one making Maya more uncomfortable than the last. First was Lucas' mother who'd offered Maya a change in clothes, then came the grandparents who asked if they'd slept together – then proceeded to lecture them about teen parenthood despite the fact that their answer was no, next came in his aunt and uncle who questioned whether Maya was a gold digger until finally a familiar face.

"Pappy Joe!" Maya practically screamed running up to him and giving him a hug. She was beyond happy to see a member of the Friar Family who wasn't questioning her or her intentions with Lucas.

"Well if it isn't miss Maya Hart, did you finally ask her out Lucas?"

"That I did sir."

"You did good."

Then came the moment Maya was most worried about, Lucas' sister Melanie. She's heard a lot about her from Lucas and now his family, she was older and in college and she was really protective over Lucas after the whole sheep incident in the kiddy rodeo, she was against basically everything that had to do with Texas, and she was going to NYU.

When she walked through the door she was everything Maya imagined and more, her hair was dark like Mr. Friars but her eyes were a piercing grey and she completely gorgeous.

"I brought my boyfriend for all y'all to meet I hope that's okay!" She yelled in pulling a suitcase in behind her, Maya bounced nervously and Lucas gave her hand an encouraging squeeze.

"Sup Friars!" A familiar voice boomed from behind Melanie, and when he walked through the door Maya's heart skipped a beat. She tried to look away but it was too late, he'd already seen her.

'Maya?"

"Hi Josh." Maya looked down at her socks, they weren't matching, but everyone had to take their shoes off.

"I'm sorry," Melanie stepped in, "Who are you and how do you know my boyfriend?"

Maya awkwardly cleared her throat and looked back and forth between Lucas and Melanie, if things weren't already awkward enough for her now she had to explain the time in her life she'd hoped to forget at possibly the worst imaginable time. "We, um, used to date." She finally croaked out looking for anywhere to look but at a person, but for some reason everywhere she looked she was Melanie or Lucas, there were pictures and painting and trophies… were those there the entire time?

"I'm sorry," Lucas said taking a step away from her, "did you just say that you used to date him? Maya he's in college how do you even know him." Josh stepped forward, "I'm Riley's uncle."

And that's when the room exploded.

 _Who's Riley? You dated your best friend Uncle? You dated her best friend? Lucas why would you date your ex-girlfriends best friend if your ex-girlfriends best friend dated your ex-girlfriends uncle?_ It was a nightmare. Was the room spinning? Maya didn't know she was too busy flicking back and forth answering questions and spinning around and going completely insane until she collapsed onto the floor. Quickly she was surrounded by Lucas or Josh or Pappy Joe, she didn't know, she didn't care.

"I think I should go," Maya said pulling herself off the ground, "If I wanted to be in the middle of a fight during the holidays I would've just gone home." She brushed herself off and walked out the door before she could hear Lucas tell her to stay because she knew that all he had to do was ask and she would. She was going to the Matthews', she was afraid to go there before because she thought she'd run into Josh, but that was obviously no longer a problem.


	16. Chapter 16

Maya pulled her jacket around herself tighter, it had started to rain, which in this weather, would turn to sleet before it hit the ground. At this point Maya was running to Riley's apartment, running as fast as her feet would carry her. She was running from a number of things and the cold was not one of them, with every step she took she heard them – all the fighting. _You're disgusting. You're not good enough. You_ dated _your best friends_ uncle _you pervert._ Maya hoped the faster she ran the more she could outrun the bad and fill herself up with good. She thought of just a few hours ago, wandering with Lucas, and how she'd actually felt like she was living. Soon she was sprinting and then she was outside the apartment building. Usually she'd just loop around to the back to the fire escape, but since it was raining/sleeting out she figured Topanga would've gone into Riley's room and closed the window. She hit the buzzer and waited to hear Riley's voice. Instead she heard Cory's.

"Shawny?" He asked excitedly.

"Even better." Maya said smirking. Cory buzzed her in and Maya ran up the stairs, walking straight into their apartment.

And there they were.

Her family.

Not by blood or anything crazy like that, but simply by love. The entire Matthews gang accepted her as one of their own and they all smiled and welcomed her in with open arms. Maybe that's why it was so easy for her to love Josh even though he was Riley's uncle.

Immediately after seeing her Riley came bouncing over, pulling Maya into a close and warm hug.

"Peaches! I didn't think you were coming!" Riley exclaimed, pulling back and smiling at her best friend, Maya wrapped her arms around herself and breathed in the scent of the holidays.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She smiled and then Riley paraded her around the apartment so Maya could greet all of the relatives.

When it came time for them to eat dinner Maya was hesitant to take her place at the table, but Topanga smiled and reminded her that she always has a place at the Matthews'. And she did. Without even knowing she'd come Alan and Amy Matthews' had set a place for Maya at the table. The feast that was prepared was nothing short of a holiday cliché in the best possible way. There was a large Turkey in the center of the table, a chicken towards the kids end because Auggie refused to eat anything but chicken legs and spaghetti, there were four different types of potatoes, salad and more – and to think it wasn't even Christmas.

After dinner everyone scattered off into different directions, the holidays were about family yes, but there is such a thing as too much of them. Auggie went over to Ava's apartment, Amy and Alan headed off to their hotel, and Maya dragged Riley off to her bedroom. The two collapsed onto Riley's purple sheets, staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm glad you came, Maya." Riley said, grabbing hold of her best friends hand. Maya turned her head to her and smiled.

"I have no idea why I thought I could do the holidays anywhere else."

One of the great things about having a best friend -a real best, not just someone you say is your best friend – is that you can just be together in complete silence and enjoy every second of it because you're in their presence. And that's exactly what Riley and Maya did. They existed together. After a while though, this does get boring, so Maya sat up and walked over to the bay window – patting the cushion next to her to get Riley to come over. Riley willingly pulled herself off the bed and took her place next to Maya.

"Can I talk to you about Lucas?" Maya asked hesitantly, staring only at her hands which were folded together just like Riley had taught her. Riley placed her hand on Maya's shoulder,

"You can talk to me about anything. _I'm_ your safe place – remember?"

Maya slowly exhaled and changed her focus to the ceiling, Topanga had hand painted little butterflied all across the ceiling, she was still struggling to make her name as a lawyer at the time but she'd still had the time to hand paint her daughters ceiling. That was exactly the kind of thing Maya always thought a mother would do – and she didn't have that. Topanga was the closest thing to a mother figure she had but she would never take time out of her busy day to paint with her, Maya just couldn't see that happening. Finally, Maya looked back down at her hands, letting her hair fall into her face.

"Lucas has a sister." Maya finally said. Riley laughed,

"You've known about Melanie for a while now I don't know why you're acting so weird about it."

"Lucas has a sister," she repeated, "And she's dating Josh."

"Oh?" Riley sat up a little straighter with a shocked expression on her face. "And they were both there?" Maya nodded. "Oh…" Riley said again.

"Yeah," Maya stretched her arms out, letting her eyes wander around Riley's room. "I knew dating a college guy in high school would give me some kind of a rep but I never thought it'd affect me this much after." Riley bit her lower lip and looked at Maya's collarbone trying to think,

"What do you mean by 'affect you'? I know that it probably sucks that Lucas' family think less of you now but – you're Maya!" She smiled and grabbed hold of Maya's hands, "You don't care what anyone thinks!" Riley saw how empty Maya's eyes looked, her face was smiling back but her eyes hollow and almost wooden.

"You're right. I don't care. I have Lucas," She touched the ring hanging around her neck, "And I have you." She held up their hands with their friendship rings on them. Maya's voice had cracked and Riley noticed, but she put that thought aside, because sometimes even when you know someone's not telling you the truth you let yourself believe it anyways.


	17. Chapter 17

Maya stood outside of Topanga's. She could see inside, she could see them inside. Her friends. Farkle was sitting next to Riley on the backless couch with his arm around her waist, Lucas was on the far end of the other couch with two drinks in front of him – one for him and one for Maya – and Zay was sitting on the spinning chair he loved so much. They were laughing at something, and she wanted to know what, but she didn't want to go inside just yet. This is how she felt she lived her life, on the outside. But for some reason now she felt like she was grounded and in complete control of herself – she felt like she was on the inside. She watched Lucas, she watched him smile and wondered if he had any idea how much he helped her world grow. Finally, tired of being on the outside, she pushed through the door.

"Hey!" Lucas grinned, sliding the drink he ordered for Maya over to her. "I was just thinking about you." Maya sat down and leaned into him,

"You're always thinking about me." She teased picking up her drink, Lucas grabbed hold of her chin with his thumb and index finger pulling her into a brief but beautiful kiss. Every inch of Maya tingled whenever he touched her.

"You two are disturbingly perfect." Zay said pulling Maya out of her little cloud. Everyone laughed and Maya settled her head on Lucas, because she knew that no matter how much of her life changed her head would always fit perfectly on his shoulder. Maya watched as Farkle kissed the top of Riley's head, they were all perfect for each other. Everything had finally fallen into place, except…

"When am I ever going to find someone who makes me disgustingly mushy like you two, or excruciatingly adorable like you two?" Zay piped. Riley smiled up at Farkle,

"You'll find someone." Riley assured him, never taking her eyes off of Farkle.

"I'm never hanging out with couples ever again." Zay joked while standing up to get himself a muffin.

Lucas brushed some of Maya's hair out of her face, "We should probably go."

"Wandering?" Farkle asked, paranoid that someone may actually have a better project than

him.

"Better," Lucas said as him and Maya stood up, "Dating."

They held hands and wandered the streets of New York, for some reason when she was with

him she had an unexplainable need to touch him. They walked into small shops and they just walked into an old vintage inspired diner. It was the classic thing everyone pictures when you say 'diner', a red and white themed joint with a mini juke box on every table. It was cute, and Lucas had heard they had the best milkshakes. The two of them sat next to each other in a booth near the back and ordered their separate drinks. Sharing a drink with your date is cute and all until you realize you only get half, and Maya liked ice cream far too much to settle for anything less than a full glass. She ordered herself a chocolate cookies n cream shake while Lucas opted for a straight up chocolate.

"You're ridiculous," Maya said scooping up some of the whipped cream with her spoon, "You have to eat the whipped cream off first otherwise you just get a disappointing clump of cream at the bottom when you finish your shake."

I _could_ do that." Lucas smirked, putting a small amount of whipped cream on his spoon, " _Or_ I could do THIS!" He put the whipped cream on Maya's nose and started laughing hysterically as she tried her best to look upset with him.

"I am very cross with you right now," She bubbled leaning in and rubbing her nose on his face.

"If that's what you do when you're mad I can't wait to see you furious." Lucas smiled, picking the cherry off of Maya's shake and eating it.

"Oh, you've over done it now," She said dramatically tossing the napkin she wiped her nose with on the table, "Now I'm fuming." She grabbed his shirt and held him close to her face.

"Are you going to say it or am I?" She asked staring into his eyes, they both smirked and melodically went 'ha-hurr' together while everyone around them turned and stared thinking they were complete idiots.

And they probably were.

But they didn't care.

They stayed in the booth just talking to each other until the diner got really crowded and busy so they decided it was best to give their table to someone else. Back out on the streets of New York Maya grabbed hold of Lucas' hand and grinned at him with a mischievous flicker in her eye,

"Come on!" She yelled behind her as they sprinted down the sidewalk. Maya turned into her own neighborhood and pulled Lucas into her apartment building.

"I hate to break it to you," He started, panting lightly from the run, "But you made your apartment seem like much more of an adventure." Maya rolled her eyes and started walking up the stairs, she passed her floor and all of the others until the two of them were on the roof – and even so, Maya still kept walking.

"Slow down their," Lucas said gently pulling back on her arm so she spun into him. He rested his chin on top of her head and they held each other close like this for a while before Maya broke away and walked near the edge of the rooftop.

"When I was little," She sighed looking at the crumbling stone and how the roof had small crevasses that looked as though they may implode at any second, "Really little." She continued.

"Before I'd even met Riley actually. Before Riley I would climb up here when things got too bad. Just to watch the people down below. One of my parents would always figure out I'd gone missing and then come up here to…punish me." She bit her lip and looked away from Lucas, "I brought you up here because it's such a beautiful place – I don't want to think of bad times when I come here. And you just have a way of making everything in my life better."

Lucas slowly walked up to her, fearful that she might get frightened and run away if he came up too hastily. When he was finally standing beside her he kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't have to be home for a few more hours, maybe we can just watch the people together?" He asked smiling down at her.

"Yeah," She closed her eyes and smiled, "Yeah maybe we can."


	18. Chapter 18

Maya wiped her hands off on her jeans, she'd just climbed up the ladder to the first landing of the fire escape of Riley's apartment building. It wasn't an unsanitary place – and even if it was she wouldn't have minded considering where she'd come from – but it had just snowed making the metal slick and cold. She reached into her pocket to make sure the present she'd got for Riley was still there and when her fingertips brushed against the small box she started slowly climbing up the frozen steps until she came to Riley's open window. Grabbing the top of the window with both hands Maya slipped in landing in her spot in the bay window.

"It's Rilaya Day." Maya smiled at Riley who was grinning from ear to ear. They'd come up with Rilaya Day as a way to celebrate the holidays together because they couldn't be together on December 25th while the Matthews all drove out of town together and New Years Eve was always such an event. Their holiday was always on January 3rd, because it was one day before their last day of holiday break. "I got something really special for you." Maya beamed putting both of her hands in her pockets.

"I do too," Riley started, "I know we do a gift exchange and then go to Topanga's but can we just have a normal bay window moment really quick? I need to talk to you about something." Maya shifted in her seat,

"Okay…"

Riley took a deep breath and pressed the heel of her palm into her knees, "IkissedFarkle." She finally blurted sending Maya into a fit of hysterical laughter.

" _That's_ what you wanted to talk about?" Maya spat you before calming herself down, "Riley he's your boyfriend – do you want me to act surprised?"

"Well-" Riley slumped down in her chair, "is this why you never told me when you and Lucas first kissed?"

The smiled on Maya's face dropped and she started began to study the lines on her jeans as if they were the most intricate work of art she'd ever seen, "I just – I never thought you'd want to hear about it. You know, considering your past with Lucas and all." Maya shrugged and started picking at a loose string on her jacket sleeve, "I thought about telling you all the time."

"Hey," Riley said, putting her hand on Maya's shoulder, "You can tell me anything." She held up her hand, "Thunder?"

Maya smiled and grabbed hold of Riley's hand with her own, "Lighting."

"Anyways!" Riley cheered standing up and going into her closet, "We've got to meet the boys in 30 minutes so we better start the festivities now!" When Riley returned from her closet she was holding an average sized box with beautiful silver and gold wrapping paper and a red ribbon. Maya pulled the small box wrapped in newspapers out of her coat pocket all of a sudden being all too aware of how little her gift was.

"Same time?" Maya requested.

"Same time." Riley confirmed.

The two of the handed each other the gifts and counted down from 3 before tearing apart the wrapping. Riley had gotten Maya four classic novels (Moby Dick, the Great Gatsby, Lord of the Flies and the Scarlett Letter) and a 48 pack of soft core colored pencils. For Riley Maya gave her the necklace the two of them used to gawk over as children. It was an 18 karat gold necklace with pavé diamonds encircled by small opal gems. There was no doubt that it was stunning, and Maya's grandmother refused to even let her old the heirloom until she was 14. Now, a few years later, it was Maya's – and she couldn't think of anyone else she'd want to give it to except Riley.

When Riley pulled the necklace out of the box she was in awe, "You can't be serious." She said dangling the pendent in front of her face, "Maya this is a _Hart_ family necklace, it's been in your family for generations."

Maya laughed, "I want you to have it. You're my family and I couldn't think of anyone safer to give it to." They fell into each other's arms and Maya whispered, "If you ever tell anyone that you got me books and I'm happy about it I'll kill you." Then they broke apart and started walking down to Topanga's.

"What's that?" Farkle demanded, pointing to the necklace hanging around Riley's neck, "I didn't give you that where is it from?" Riley and Maya looked at each other and laughed,

"Calmed down Inspector Gadget I gave it to her." Maya beamed walking over to Lucas. Lucas looked down on her, his face clouded with concern.

"You love that necklace, you said one day you wanted to give it to one of your kids?" He asked, keeping his voice low so Riley wouldn't hear.

Maya rubbed her neck, "Yeah well, Riley's basically my child." She gulped, "I've raised her since she was a pup." Lucas laughed and shrugged it off, holding Maya a little closer than usual.

"We better go if we're going to catch that sunset." Lucas announced, bending over to pick up his bag. Riley looked panicked and looked around the room,

"Actually, would it be alright if Minkus and I go to the library instead? We want to

look at these old films I found."

Maya couldn't help but laugh, "Yeah you two love nerds have fun." And they all broke off into separate directions. Riley and Farkle ran to her house to pick up the film reels while Lucas and Maya raced to the top of her apartment building.

Upon arriving Lucas lay down a plaid fleece blanket and pulled out two sandwiches in Ziploc baggies, setting them down and trying to arrange it like a picnic, Maya sat next to him and picked up the sandwich with one hand. The unsteady bread drooped down towards her hand and Maya started laughing.

"I'm sorry." Lucas exclaimed, also laughing at the failed structural integrity of his sandwiches. "They were meant to be romantic." Maya picked up one of the Ziploc bags and tossed it at Lucas,

"There's nothing romantic about plastic baggies Huckleberry."

"Oh yeah?" He threw his sandwich to the side and started tickling Maya profusely. She was laughing so hard her stomach hurt but she was never one to say uncle, instead she grabbed Lucas' face with both of her hands and started kissing him. They lay together on the roof kissing each other like some bad teenaged romantic comedy, when they finally broke for air Maya gasped.

"Lucas look at the sky." She immediately jumped to her feet. The colors of the sunset were melting into each other. Purple to blue to orange to yellow, all perfectly blending together and settling around the New York sky line. It was breathtaking and incredible. Lucas grabbed Maya's hand after a few minutes and pulled her back down to him.

"Why would I look at the sky when I'd rather look at you." He whispered as she gently gnawed on her lower lip.

"You're ridiculous." She laughed pulling him back so they were both laying on their backs staring at the sky, "I wish I could stay here forever." She yawned, tracing circles around Lucas' chest with her finger.

"Then we will."


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning, Maya woke up with her hand rested on Lucas' chest and his arms wrapped around her. She smiled and craned her neck so she could see him, he was still sleeping. Trying to be careful not to wake him she rolled over and checked the time on his phone, it was 11 o'clock and she was meeting Riley at noon.

"Hey," She cooed stroking his hair in a vain attempt to wake him. When he didn't stir she leaned in and gently kissed him. "Good morning."

"Good morning." He grinned, sitting up and going in for another kiss, Maya but her hand up before he could,

" _I_ have to get ready to meet Riley and _you,_ " She moved onto her knees to kiss the top of his head, "have morning breath." She finished, standing up and brushing the dirt off of her jeans. Maya walked over to the door and turned around to see Lucas shoving the blanket into his bag and groggily standing before walking down the stairs to her apartment to change her clothes. When she pushed open the door to her apartment Maya stopped dead in her tracks. She'd been going out so much she lost her tolerance to the burning stench of alcohol so the thick scotch infused air hit her like a slap in the face. Back to reality. No more chasing Lucas around the city and laughing with Riley because no matter how much light came into her life the darkness always found a way to creep back in. Being careful not to cut herself, Maya sidestepped around the shattered glass and her mother on the floor over to the dust pan she kept above the kitchen cabinets. Trying to be as quiet as possible Maya swept the shards of glass into the pan and tossed them into the recycling bin. Still doing her best to be quiet, Maya walked back over to her mom and lay a blanket on top of her, sighing as walked into her bedroom.

Maya was studying herself in the mirror. She changed into a loose muted green shirt and her ripped jeans that she had to cuff at the bottom because they were too long for her. Although she was physically the same person, Maya struggled to recognize herself in the mirror. The person in the mirror looked empty and distant – both things Maya was, but she wasn't fond of the idea that anyone who looked at her could figure it out. Slowly she spread a smile across her face, it was the same smile she'd been using for a while, the smile that fooled everyone. Then she tried a laugh, the same hollow laugh she'd used all month. It didn't sound right, but Maya noticed that if people want to believe you're alright – they'll overlook small details like the desperation in your eyes or the desolation of your laughter. She smiled once more then slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the apartment.

The snow was startling, when she'd woken up on the roof there was nothing but a thin frost covering the ground in patchy sections, and now there was a thick blanket of snow covering the entire street and the strong wind was whipping more down on them. Maya put her hand up as though it could help protect her from the storm and began walking against the wind to Riley's house.

When Maya climbed through Riley's window she was covered in snow that melted away almost instantly as she sat on the bay window and closed the window behind her. Riley sat there looking concerned at how Maya's lips, ears, and the tips of her fingers had started to turn a redish blue. Frantically, Riley scrambled around her room collecting blankets and towels to warm up her friend.

"You must be freezing!" She exclaimed wrapping another blanket around Maya.

"No colder than I usually feel." Maya murmured inaudibly, pushing the blankets off of her. "Riley I'm fine, can we just talk for a bit?" Riley rushed over to her and put a few of the blankets back over her before taking her seat in the bay window.

"Yeah, of course. Let's talk."

Maya drew in a quick and sharp breath, closing her eyes so she wouldn't see how Riley reacted to her question, "Riles," She began, "Do you ever feel absent? Like all the bad in your life outnumbers the good so much so that you just feel like you're disappearing in the darkness?" Riley shook her head,

"No, I can't say I do. Do you? D-Do you ever feel like that?" She stammered, beginning to get very worried about her friend. "Because you can tell me if you do." Maya pushed out the laugh she'd rehearsed early,

"No of course not. I just read about it." She said stiffly, "I think I should go, you know, make sure my mom doesn't try to go out in this weather."

"No wait –" Riley reached forward and grabbed Maya's hand before she could open the window, "At least stay for a little bit, or let my parents drive you home." Maya smiled and slid Riley's hand off of hers,

"No one should be driving right now, but I'll text you. Okay?"

"Okay." Riley agreed more than a little disappointed Maya didn't stay longer. She moved over to her bed so that she wouldn't covered in snow when Maya opened the window and then moved down to the kitchen to grab a snack.

Maya stumbled down the fire escape and back out onto the side walk, struggling to find her way and fight the wind. Eventually the wind blew her over and she fell down into the snow. Rather than standing up she looked at her hands in the snow and wondered if she was ever really happy. Someone placed a hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"Maya? What are you doing out right now? I don't know if you've noticed but we're kind of in the middle of a blizzard." Lucas said pulling Maya to her feet.

"Just leave me alone Huckleberry." Maya heard herself say, no longer feeling in control of her words or actions.

"Come one Maya I'll take you home." He put an arm around her and she pushed it off,

"God Lucas! We don't have to be together all of the time! Sometimes people need some space so stop hovering! I can take care of myself!" She screamed as the wind whipped her hair around her.

"I-I know that I just want to be there for you." He stuttered, holding his hand out to her. She knocked his hand away.

'Well don't. I don't need you." She jeered, turning and walking away from one of the remaining few people who cared about her and wiping the warm tears off of her cheeks.

On occasion, when she got too cold, Maya stopped inside a convenience store and looked around while waiting for her hands to return to their normal shade. Eventually the storm died down to a light snow and then to nothing but Maya continued walking. She walked to her apartment and grabbed the trench coat Lucas had given her what seemed like years ago and the keys to her mom's car – not knowing where she was going or if she'd ever want to come back.


	20. Chapter 20

Lucas looped his thumbs underneath the straps of his backpack to still it from bouncing as he huffed up the steps of the school. It was their first day back from winter break and he'd forgotten to come earlier than usual to avoid the rush of people meeting with their friends before school to catch up. Because of this, Lucas had had to park a block away from the school due to lack of parking and he was less than thrilled about this. He adjusted the straps of his bag one last time before pressing through the heavy doors of the school, nearly knocking over a few girls who were standing in the way. Lucas put his hand up apologetically before continuing on through the hallways, squeezing through the narrow gaps of people until he nearly tumbled into Mr. Matthews classroom. Slightly disoriented from the chaos in the hallway, Lucas had to blink a few times to refocus his vision until his eyes settled on Maya's empty desk. He furrowed his brows together and pointed at the desk looking at Riley for an explanation, but she only shrugged.

"I haven't heard from her." She explained. Riley in no way intended to sound so casual. She _was_ worried about Maya – but over the course of the past year Maya came and went as she pleased, always returning with some other ridiculous story to tell the school. So, after the last scare, Riley decided not to freak out as much. Maya came and Maya left, it's just what she did.

Lucas looked down at his phone and refreshed his messages as he took his seat behind the empty desk – nothing from Maya. He looked up at the unoccupied seat and felt a weight drop in his stomach. He thought of the last interaction he had with her over winter break, she was flustered and they were in the middle of the storm. Staring blankly at the desk he shoved his phone back into his front pocket, wondering if Maya ever made it home that night.

"Lucas?" Mr. Matthews repeated, reigning in Lucas' wandering mind.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat the question?" Lucas mumbled, still more focused on Maya's whereabouts than his own education.

"Would you care to present you current events assignment?" Matthews asked again, straightening up his desk. Lucas looked around, everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to stand up and talk about what's happening with the EU or the Presidential Election. Instead, however, he looked back to Mr. Matthews and stood up.

"I'm sorry, I can't." Lucas scooped his books off of his desk and rushed out to the hallway with Riley and Farkle in tow. He ignored them, leaning against a locker and pressing the cold metal into his neck to try to keep himself grounded. Finally, Riley reached forward and grabbed his face with both of her hands.

"LUCAS!" She screamed, pulling his face towards her own, "Look at me." She said more softly. His eyes frantically looked around her face until they settled on her eyes and he felt himself calm down.

"Alright, enough of that." Farkle said stepping in-between the pair, keeping Riley behind him. "We're all worried about Maya, Lucas. But she disappears, this isn't the first time and it won't be the last. We can't freak out like this every time she skips out on us."

Lucas closed his eyes and sunk down to the floor, extending his legs out in front of him, "She tried to walk home in the blizzard. What if she didn't make it back?" Riley and Farkle each sat on either side of him.

"We would've known by now Lucas, this is just Maya being Maya." Farkle patted Lucas' head in an awkward attempt to console him.

"But what if he's right?" Riley asked, now more invested in the situation, "What if Maya never made it back home? It's cold out she can't survive out on the streets at this time of the year." Farkle made a face at her and gestured towards Lucas with his head, implying that she was not helping with the situation at hand.

"Let's go to her apartment. See if she's there or ask if she was." Lucas proposed, turning his back to Farkle.

"Wait, right now?" Riley asked getting ready to stand up.

"Right now." Lucas confirmed, he grabbed hold of Riley's hands and helped her to her feet as they scurried down the hallway with Farkle chasing after them yelling at Lucas, "THAT'S _MY_ GIRLFRIEND FRIAR."

Lucas' car engine gently hummed as they sat outside of Maya's apartment building. Riley once believed that everything looks better with a thin layer of snow. However, for some reason the snow on this building just made it look even more cold and hostile. This was not a place where happy people grew up – and Riley always knew that. But right now the reality of it all began to sink in. Farkle parked directly behind them and Riley was preparing to go in when her phone buzzed, a text from Maya. She pulled it open and showed it to Lucas and pressed it against the window for Farkle to read – who was standing outside the car with his face pressed against the glass making sure that Lucas stayed in his lane. Riley laughed to herself as she watched Farkle jump between reading the message and looking into the car, he was adorable jealous. Riley and Lucas stepped out of the car and she finally looked down at the message and read it for herself;

 **M: I'm okay. Go home.**

"She's got to be in there then… doesn't she?" Riley was beginning to feel more optimistic. Farkle shook his head and pointed to Maya's bedroom window.

"My dad and I installed a camera on her window so I could see her people, remember? Anyone can access that stream if they really want to." Riley's heart sank, _way to kill the hope Farkle._ Riley brushed off her skirt and looked between Lucas and Farkle with a smile before pressing forward up the steps.

Finally the three of them were standing outside her apartment, staring at the wooden door. Lucas had his fist raised in anticipation but never pressed forward to actually knock. Lucas moved his hand forward towards the door, and then dropped it down to the knob, swinging the door open. He looked at Farkle and Riley who just looked at him shocked,

"She always leaves it open." He smirked and walked in. There was a thick mug of tequila that made all of their eyes water and Katy's hand could be seen underneath a mountain of covers, hovering above an empty bottle. They all looked confused, there were bottles scattered all over the kitchen and living room and some cigarette butts with smoke still rising from the end scattered across the floor. Lucas quickly walked over and stomped them all out. When he turned back to face his face was more concerned than angry.

"She never told me about this? This was never here when I came, did you…did you know?" Farkle and Riley exchanged glances and they both shook their heads.

"This is sick, sick and wrong." For a moment Riley thought he was going to cry, "Why wouldn't she come to any of us for help?" His voice cracked. Farkle pushed past both of them, knowing that both of them were far too close to Maya to be the strong one. They were a close knit group, but he knew that if this were about Riley, he'd hope Lucas would take point. Farke giggled Maya's door handle, locked. He went to knock on the door when Katy hastily emerged from the tower of covers screaming.

"LEAVE HER ALONE DAMNIT." She slurred, stumbling around, "GET OUT!" Lucas and Riley looked terrified s Farkle looped his arms in theirs and dragged them out of the room.

The moment they stepped into the hallway Riley burst into tears. She'd thought her and Maya had known everything about each other and yet here she was, seeing an entire side to Maya's life she was completely oblivious to. Farkle knelt down beside her and wrapped his arms around her from violently shaking as she sobbed into his shoulder. Lucas stood silently, leaning against a wall, horrified of how he never picked up on all the hidden cues that Maya's home life was far worse than she let on. She never wore short sleeves, or shorts without tights, her hair always covered the back of her neck and she never let him inside when he showed up unannounced. He had so many opportunities to put the pieces together, but he never did. The three of them stayed in the hallway, a broken bunch, the density of the situation weighing down on all of them.


	21. Chapter 21

Sun streamed into Riley Matthews bedroom as she stretched out her arms after waking up in the morning. They were nearing the end of January, which was Riley's favorite time of the year. Things were warming up just enough that the melting snow glistened in the sunlight but not enough that everything melted away. She loved how snow settled on top of everything and how it made the entire city look like it was under the same Instagram filter. The perfect seasonal aesthetic. Regardless of how much she loved the season, however, waking up was never a simple task. She sat up and hunched over her phone, scrolling through her new messages. One new text from Maya and a few from Farkle and Lucas in their 'core four' group chat. Her message from Maya was the same one it was every other Saturday,

 **M: I'm okay Riles. Love you**

There was something slightly cryptic about receiving the same message every week, and Riley used to respond with long essays about how Maya should come back home, but she'd given up. At least Maya was telling her that she was okay this time so Riley wasn't worried every day that Maya didn't come through her window. And just like it always did a few weeks after Maya disappeared the hysteria slowed down. No one at school seemed to even notice her seat was empty anymore.

Riley pulled herself out of bed and stood in front of her dressing table, looking at her reflection. She tried a smile, and then a bigger one, and then she smiled even larger than she thought possible because seeing other people happy made her happy – even when it was only herself. Then, she ran through their routine all by herself.

"Good morning sunshine, the day isn't waiting for you to start!" She spoke in a sing-song-y voice and kept changing her stance so it felt like she was having a conversation with someone other than herself. "Peaches." She cooed, making her heart feel like it was being ripped apart. Still, she smiled on and remembered Maya's text, _she's okay. She loves me._

Riley stood in front of her open closest and rubbed her eyes, she had to meet up with her friends at Topanga's in twenty minutes for a late breakfast / early lunch and she had no idea what she was going to wear. She ran her fingers along the tops of her hangers and imagined what Maya would say to her.

" _You don't know what to wear? Have too many clothes do you? Hate to break it to you sunshine but that's not a bad problem to have."_ She would say as she reached into Riley's closet and pulled out the perfect outfit for her to wear. Riley smiled to herself and closed her eyes, reaching into her closet and pulling out the first two things she put her hands on. It was always difficult without Maya around, but they all got by. Riley had pulled out a lemon yellow summer dress and a long sleeve white t-shirt, she shrugged and put them both on. She was trying to be more spontaneous – at least for as long as Maya wasn't around. It all worked out because she'd talk herself out of whatever impulsive thing she was going to do, just like she'd do for Maya. So, as she neared the front door she turned on her heel and changed into her black suspender skirt and light lilac floral sweater and the left to meet up with her friends.

Riley stood outside of the café for a minute, Lucas and Farkle were sitting inside, looking like there wasn't a thing wrong in the world. It was always hardest on Riley when Maya left, she would laugh and smile along with her friends but she'd feel guilty immediately afterwards. But here they were, Lucas and Farkle, joking around and having a good time without Riley or Maya. At first you could see it, the way Lucas' face would fade out of a smile until he was looking off into the distance – imagining Maya's laugh or her snarky comments. After a few weeks though that stopped, he would laugh and still smile to himself an hour later just thinking about the joke. Riley wanted to ask him how he did it, how he moved on, but she knew that deep down he didn't. None of them. They were all just putting on a show until Maya came back.

Riley brushed her hair behind her ears and pushed through the doors, a small bell ringing as the door opened. Farkle turned his head and smiled, standing to greet his girlfriend with a kiss on the check.

"Hey Riles!" He leaned in and kissed her cheek, hesitating in front of her lips but pulling away, "We're glad you could make it!"


	22. Chapter 22

Lucas tapped his pencil against the spine of his notebook, struggling to keep his eyes open throughout the last few minutes of class. The teacher was droning on about the importance of natural lighting and camera angles which best utilize the light during specific times of the day. Eric, the boy who sat next to Lucas, kept shoving him with his elbow to get him to turn off his phone. Lucas' phone was on vibrate sitting screen down on the table, and it kept buzzing with notifications. This caused the table to slightly shake, thus causing Eric to wake up and hence the nudging. Eventually Lucas just shoved his phone into his backpack and forgot all about it.

The seven minute bell rang and Lucas was one of the first people from Abigail to shoot up from their chair and rush out to the bus. His bus rides were now silent, Maya was not resting her head on his shoulder, where it so perfectly fit, and Maya was not there to talk to him about…anything, everything. Regardless of her absence, Lucas still made his way to their back seat by the wheel where he promptly placed his backpack where Maya would usually take her place and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the top rim of the seat. He must've fallen asleep because before he knew it people were bumping into him in the aisle to rush out to their other bus or their cars. Groggily, Lucas gathered his things and joined the line outside. Lucas had started to march out to his car when he spotted Riley and Farkle through the window of the school. Riley had her arms wrapped around herself and a look of worry sunken into her face while Farkle couldn't seem to keep still. He was running his hand through his hair, shoving his hands into his pockets, and dancing as if he had to pee. Curious, Lucas decided to figure out what was going on. He pushed through the front doors of the school and made the trek over to the area of the building he'd seen Farkle and Riley. As he approached he heard his name mentioned various times so he decided to chime in.

"Hey guys." He smiled as he looped his thumb underneath the strap of his backpack. Riley immediately stormed up to him and slugged him in the arm.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demanded, looking surprisingly cross. Lucas put his hands up and took a step back from Riley,

"Woah there, language little lady." He chuckled, not used to hearing Riley swear. She tucked her hair behind her ears and she slunk back to Farkles side.

"We've been texting you for the past hour Lucas," Farkle looked at Riley who now looked about on the brink of tears. Instinctively Farkle brought her into a partial hug, still maintaining eye contact with Lucas, "Maya texted both of us. We think somethings wrong."

Lucas threw his backpack onto the ground and hastily dug through it looking for where he'd crammed his phone. When he finally found it he fumbled to unlock his screen and open up his messages. Sure enough, there it was. One new message from Maya. Just as he had stopped getting in the habit of constantly checking his phone. His thumb hovered over the notification, not sure if he wanted to know what the message said.

"What did she say to you two? Was it the same message for both of you?" He asked, looking up at them from his position on the floor. Farkle was first to respond, his arm still wrapped around Riley,

"When we were kids, one night we were playing together and we both just stopped to gaze at this gorgeous, vibrant light in the sky. It seemed to flicker – red, blue and white. And that's because it did. We were just kids then so we didn't know it was an airplane, we thought it was a star. That night Maya looked at me and she told me that that was our star. That if we're ever apart we can just look at our star. That night is actually what got me into astronomy in the first place." He started, sighing and looking up at the ceiling before he continued, "Her message to me said, 'look up, I'm with our star'." Lucas knit his eyebrows in confusion and turned his focus over to Riley who was looking down at her shoes.

"She told me that she'll always be in our window." She barely croaked out. They all sat there in silence for a minute, then Riley broke away from Farkle and angrily flailed her arms around as she spoke, "Would you just read the message already?" She all but screamed at him. Quickly, before he could change his mind, Lucas hit the message and read it aloud.

 **M: I'm afraid that some times**

 **You'll play lonely games too**

 **Games you can't win**

' **cause you'll play against you**

Lucas looked up from his phone screen and saw the confused looks on his friends faces, "It's a quote from Oh the Places You'll Go. We read it together in a library." He clarified looking back down at the text, trying not to be confused by the riddle that is Maya Hart. "Should we go to her house?" Lucas asked.

"No," Farkle blurted, "No the last time we went we saw everything she spent her life hiding from us, we can't invade her privacy again."

"I want to go." Riley spoke after a brief moment of silence, "If somethings wrong I don't want to find out by stumbling across it I want her to know that I care enough to look." Lucas nodded along. Farkle was still opposed to what was essentially breaking into Maya's apartment and decided to just head home while Riley and Lucas started off to Maya's place.

The exterior of the apartment was just as dreary as always, Lucas wondered how he always managed to overlook how worn down it was – maybe because he was always with Maya when he came and her smile can brighten up any area. He smiled as he hiked up the stairs thinking about what it'd be like to see a comedy with Maya, to hear her adorable little laugh echoing throughout a theatre.

"Alright dream boat let's keep moving." Riley said gently pushing on Lucas' back and startling him. He was so caught up in his fantasy he didn't even notice he stopped walking.

Finally they made their way up to her apartment, and the door unlocked as it usually was. Lucas was the one to push through the stiff door and when he got in the mug of different alcohols was so thick he could've sworn he could _see_ it seeping out the door. The pair carefully stepped around broken glass and garbage until they found themselves in front of Maya's door. It was Riley, this time, who opened the door. She expected the door to be locked but it swung open with ease. Her bedroom looked exactly like it did every other time Riley came to visit. Crack running along the ceiling, mold in the corner, stain on the mattress, and yet it felt so empty. As if the moment Maya decided she wasn't going to come back to this place – if even just for a little while – she took the spirit with it, everything that made this bedroom feel like someone alive slept in the bed every night. Impulsively Riley began to rummage, it's what she does when she's nervous. She had pulled open a drawer and seen her name on a paper when Lucas gently pulled her away,

"She's not hiding in there Riles, come on, I'll drive you home." He led her out the door but curiosity tinged Riley's mind, she couldn't help but wonder what those papers were – and why her name was on one.


	23. Chapter 23

*trigger warning

Six. It was always her favorite number. No reason, no logic behind it – just, six. Maya currently stared down at six sleeping pills in her hand and wondered if it would be enough. It was symbolism, or a metaphor, or whatever John Green called it. She wanted to enable herself to finish it all – but find the will to not do it. Slowly, she made her way over to the bed in the old and worn down motel she'd stumbled across. It was a nice place if you consider it was only ten dollars a night to stay there – and Maya wasn't planning on staying there more than a night. She looked down at her phone which hadn't stopped blinking with notifications after she sent the text, except now Lucas' name flickered with the bunch. He'd seen it. It was real now.

Previously she could disappear when she wanted and _"Oh well, it's just Maya"._ She knew that Riley worried whenever she left, but that was Riley. She worries - it's what she does. That's why when Maya leaves for long durations of time she makes a special note to text Riley at a specific time on a specific day – so that Riley knows when she needs to worry. Like now. Maya didn't want her to worry but she didn't want to leave any of them the way she did, she wanted them to understand and maybe get some comfort from what she'd sent them. It took her a while to find the right words, every text was short so she could send them within a short amount of time, but not so short that it would leave them confused. The screen continued to flicker with new text notifications, distracting Maya. Flustered, Maya flipped her phone over so that the notifications would not distract her and then she closed her eyes, inspecting the small grooves in each blue pill with her fingers. Each individual pill was practically harmless, but together? Lethal. And that was a beautiful thought to her. Maya raised her hand to her lips and let a few of the pills tumble to her lips and rest against them, none of them entering her mouth. How ironic that the one thing she had control over in her life was her death.

 _Not this way._ She tossed her blue capsules down the toilet and watched as her escape flushed down the bowl. The keys to her mom's van glimmered in the corner of her eye, beckoning her over. One quick glance over and she was convinced, Maya swiped the keys and ran out to the vehicle.

Disappearing. The inevitability of being forgotten. Its most peoples biggest fear. There is no way to escape the eraser that is time. Whether your history is eradicated due to the end of the human race or merely because you spent your entire life being everything but extraordinary, there will come a day no one will know you existed. And yet – in the heat of every moment, we feel as infinite as the universe and we can't imagine a day where we are nothing more than a new leaf to click on . Some people spend their lives chasing the idea of a legacy. However, some people are not blessed with a lifetime of chasing dreams.

Some spend their lives running.

A legacy was never something Maya worried about. It's hard to worry about people remembering you when you can't even remember yourself. Every morning she pulled herself out of bed and didn't recognize the person looking back at her in the mirror – the imposter who wore her face but was hollow and dark on the inside. This person who she'd become, after years of running away from all of the darkness in her life, was exhausted. Maya had spent the last few months barely floating through life – watching things happen but having no control over herself. Asleep. A corpse with a pulse. The good days were dreams, and the bad? She'd accepted them as her reality. All the moments she'd smiled or laughed she had convinced herself were nothing more than an illusion – or a sick joke. After-all, how could someone like her deserve happiness?

Maya rapped her thumbs against the steering wheel of her mom's ancient minivan. The old machine was barely clambering down the highway as the wind blasted against it, shaking the vehicles entire frame. She'd had a plan to mail out some letters, explain everything to the people who gave her a reason to stick around for just a minute more – but she figured that everything would be better if this all seemed like an accident – like knowing her was nothing but an accident. She looked down at her arms, which were exposed in public for the first time in years. People say that scars can tell a story, and if that's true Maya's body was an entire series. Her arms and legs were covered in the scars of both parental and self-abuse, and there was still a small line across her face from her encounter with Jeremy. Every inch of her body was a constant reminder of what she was trying to escape, and there's no where you can go to run away from yourself. She turned up the volume, Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles was blasting throughout the vehicle. It took her a while to settle on a song, but deep down she knew this was the last thing she wanted to hear. Slowly she pushed her foot down harder on the gas, hoping the adrenaline would make her feel either alive or terrified. But, as the minivan bounded across the sleek road – she felt nothing but empty.

There was a sharp exit just a few miles ahead, with a tree just off the side. On a day like today it wouldn't be hard to slide on the black ice and send your vehicle crashing into the ditch and smashing into the tree. That's exactly how Maya planned it. At one point, she thought a handful of pills would be the way to go. After a life of torture the thought of something easy and completely in your control was almost calming – but two weeks ago she decided that she'd spent her entire life feeling numb, at least in death she could feel something. Even if it was pain. Besides, there was something alluring about finally having control over something in her life – even if it was her demise.

The green exit sign was barely visible in the distance, and Maya could almost feel the engine starting to give out. She pushed down on the gas as hard as she could, lurching the car forward and pressing her head back into the seat. Maya carefully maneuvered between the other cars on the road, keeping an eye on the upcoming exit. A few people honked as she threw on her final blinker and made her way to the far right lane. Her thumbs still tapped against the wheel with the beat of the song. _Ah look at all the lonely people_ The Beatles sang as she turned the wheel sharply to the right. The wheels slid across the ice as she quickly sped into the narrow exit. The entire vehicle began to moan as it tested its limits. Unbuckled, Maya held onto the steering wheel and scrunched down in her seat while the minivan began to whip around uncontrollably in what seemed to be an endless spiral. However, while her body violently thrashed around in the vehicle her mind stayed calm. The world was a blur as she struggled to keep the wheel in her grasp. The car quickly slammed into the tree, sending Maya through the window. Her body dangled, partially through the glass. Maya stared down at the drips of blood that slowly tickled down her arm and thought about physics class last year with Lucas. Specifically, she thought about Newton's First Law, an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Her entire life she's been in motion, running, hiding from everyone – including herself. But now she's stopped. Maya Hart was finally at rest.


	24. Chapter 24

People claim that there is a bond between individuals. As though you could feel when someone you love is disappearing, or feel when they're gone. It's something you'd want to just _know._ You don't want a phone call in the middle of the night, a stranger, or even a family member to tell you that you'll never see your best friend ever again. However, these are the realistic ways of learning of someone passing. There is no bond, there is no warning, you go to bed one night and you think you know you'll see them tomorrow – and the next day you'll never see them again.

Topanga Matthews grumbled as she made her way to the phone. She was in the middle of an imperative file that was almost crucial to her winning that case she was working on, while Cory was grading papers which always seemed to trump whatever work Topanga was doing. She didn't mind, her husband was educating the future rulers of America… or in Farkle's case, the world.

"Hello?" She cleared her throat as she spoke, walking over to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Riley was sat in the dining room, her math supplies sprawled across the entire table. She was aggressively punching numbers into her TI-83 as though it was the millionth time she'd typed them in and Topanga laughed watching this, barely paying attention to what the caller was saying.

"Ma'am," The woman on the phone spoke softly, "Ma'am can you hear me? This number was listed as an emergency backup number in the event that we couldn't contact Ms. Katy Hart. Is this Cory or Topanga speaking?" Topanga nodded,

"Hello?" The woman spoke again.

"Oh yes, hello, this is Topanga." Topanga leaned against the refrigerator picking at the skin on her lower lip as she listen to the woman explain everything that had happened.

"Mrs. Matthews, I'm Donna, I work at the Shepard Memorial Hospital in Ashton New York. Maya Hart was brought in earlier this morning – there's been an accident." Topanga nearly dropped the phone. She watched Riley as Donna further explained the situation to her. When she finished, Topanga thanked her for calling and carefully sat down next to Riley.

"Hey bunny." Topanga brushed back her daughters hair as Riley angrily erased an equation for the fifth time. "Bunny can I talk to you?" Riley flung her pencil onto the table and turned to face her mom.

"I know I know mom, school supplies aren't cheap. I was going to call Farkle so he could help me out but," She shrugged and sighed at her assignment, "I kinda already called him like _eight_ times for help on this one assignment." Topanga nodded along and bit her lower lip.

"Hun," She scooped up Riley's hands and held them close to her chest, sharply inhaling to hold back her own tears.

"What's wrong?" Riley leaned forward and watched as her mom started shaking. Topanga gulped, looking down at their hands.

"Maya's been in an accident." Riley pulled her hands away from her mothers, pressing them into her chest to try to level out her breathing.

"No," Riley shook her head, "No, she hasn't. You're wrong."

"Bunny," Topanga reached forward, now starting to cry, and held onto her daughters shoulders, "Bunny, she's in surgery. We can go visit her, she's in Ashton. I'll drive it'll be okay." She cupped her daughters wet face in her hands and pulled her into her chest.

"C'mon, we can stop by Farkle's house and he can come with." She offered, not knowing how to console her daughter at this time – primarily because she didn't even know how to console herself. Riley nodded and Topanga started to gather everyone for the long trip to Ashton.

A few hours later they were all piled in the car. Cory was driving while Topanga worked on her case in the passenger's seat and Farkle was playing a game with Auggie while Riley slept on his shoulder in the back. After nearly 6 long hours Cory pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"We can catch up," Farkle looked down at Riley's head on his shoulder, "I don't want to wake her up." Mr. Matthews laughed and opened the back door,

"No." He chortled as he gently woke up his daughter, "Riles we're here." Riley slowly woke up and got out of the car while Farkle helped Auggie out of the vehicle.

The hospital had white tile floors and a horrible pale blue paint that coated the walls of the waiting room. Topanga was up at the counter asking for any information about Maya while Riley and Farkle sat off in their own little corner together – with Cory keeping a close eye on them. Riley was staring at her phone, the screen had timed out so she was looking at nothing but Farkle knew exactly what she was thinking about. He put his hand on top of the phone and used his other arm to pull her into a side hug.

"I'll call Lucas." He spoke into her hair, "You shouldn't have to worry about that. I'll call Lucas." He reiterated. Farkle got up and went to a different part of the room and started to call Lucas when a young woman who looked to be in her late twenties came out in a pair of light blue scrubs. Usually, when coming out for an update, if the surgeon was covered in blood they would clean themselves as to not traumatize the family. This woman had done a relatively good job at that but had forgotten to take off her scrub cap and wash off her face, both of which were streaked with red.

"Is the Hart family here?" She spoke loudly, other families looked around as the Matthews came and gathered around the surgeon. Cory put his hands on Riley's shoulders while Topanga held a passed out Auggie.

"Maya is out of surgery," She smiled, "There were some… complications, but I think we repaired everything." Topanga leaned forward, a stern look settling on her face,

"I'm sorry," She knit her eyebrows together, "You _think?_ " The woman brushed hair that'd fallen out of her cap away from her face, realizing that the wisps of hair were tinted slightly red now a horrified look spread across her face – one that she quickly shook off.

"There was a lot of bleeding, I was operating on her brain bleeds while our general surgeon worked on her abdominal bleeds and heart injuries, it was chaotic and we really can't know if we got everything until later." Topanga laughed,

"Uhm, _you_ operated on her brain at the same time that a general surgeon was repairing her heart? Is that even possible?"

"Um," The woman clasped her hands together, "You know I just started my residency I think I should get someone else."

"You're just a resident and you operated on her brain?" Topannga pushed harder now, going full fledged lawyer. Cory extended an arm and pulled his wife back giving her a soft look. "Can we see her now?" He asked refocusing his attention to the surgeon who just nodded and scurried away, hastily leading them to Maya's room. Riley looked over her shoulder to Farkle but he motioned for her to go on without him.

Her room was 296B and they were told that only one person could go in at a time, Riley looked back at her parents and they both nodded, gently nudging her into the room. The door slid open and Riley stepped inside, immediately taken aback by what she saw. She wasn't sure what she'd see when she walked in –

But it wasn't this.

Maya's face was bruised and swollen to the point where she was unrecognizable, she was intubated so there was a tube going down her throat, and because of the brain surgery her long blonde hair was shaved away and replaced by white bandages. All of Riley's words seemed to be caught in her throat. This was not Maya Hart. This was someone so damaged that you'd need dental records to identify them. Riley reached for her best friends hand but couldn't bring herself to actually hold her, in fear that the slightest touch could bring her to her death. Riley shook her head and quickly slid open the door running out of the room and crashing into Farkle. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in closer to him.

"That's not Maya," She sobbed into his shoulder, "That's not Maya. That's not Maya." She continued to repeat as she wailed. Cory reached forward to comfort his daughter but Topanga pulled his arm back, they couldn't help her now.


	25. Chapter 25

By the time people at school found out about Maya's accident, the population split into two groups; those who made a joke of her, and those who wept and had to be excused because of their panic. Riley hated both groups, because none of them knew her. Riley didn't even know her, and maybe that's why it hurt so much. Maya knew _everything_ about Riley, they talked for hours at night and they wouldn't stop until sleep took over, and up until the other day… Riley thought she knew everything about Maya too. She thought Maya had a good enough home life to make jokes about it, she thought Katy never had a drinking problem, and she thought her and Maya would die together in a nursing home some 100 years in the future.

But she was wrong.

So, Riley was now standing outside of Maya's apartment. If everything went as planned, Katy would be at work and Riley could walk in without disturbance. It was in the middle of the day and Riley's phone kept buzzing in her back pocket as Farkle frantically texted and called her from school wondering where she was. Farkle was holding together surprisingly well through all this, because he, a man of science, was clinging on to hope. He was strong – but she wasn't. She wasn't strong enough to sit in a classroom where people who never even spoke to Maya cried, to be around Lucas, who acted empty and wooden, or to be around Maya's empty seat that Riley wasn't so sure Maya would ever fill again. Riley reached into her pocket and sent Farkle her location and asking him to not come to her. She wanted to be here alone. At first, the door stuck, and Riley struggled to push through. However, she managed and was unpleasantly surprised by what was waiting for her inside.

Without Maya to keep the house tidy, Katy lived in her own filth. Empty bottles of alcohol scattered across the floor and shards of glass were emerging from every which direction. Riley started to sweep up the glass and toss the bottles into the recycling bin, only getting a small taste of what Maya had to go through every day. When she finished, her surroundings seemed more familiar. This is the place she'd slept over at so many times; this place was clean, and safe. Now, Riley made her way over to Maya's bedroom, the door was open slightly and Riley couldn't help but wonder if Maya had come by. If she had, what would she have done? These thoughts clouded her head as she swung open the door.

The room was in the same condition as it was the last time she was here. Maya's bookshelf was filled with old paperbacks that she'd dog-eared and post-it noted the living daylights out of. Riley pulled out a book with a worn down spine and so many notes sticking out of it, they doubled the width of the book. It was _the Waves_ by Virginia Woolf, Riley flicked through the pages and saw many highlighted paragraphs and little notes scribbled in on the side, wondering why Maya never bothered to talk about her favorite books with her. Riley carefully placed the book in her backpack and made her way over to the drawer she'd looked in once before. And just as she'd assumed the time before, there was a stack of letters – one of which had her name on it. She'd just started skimming the words when her phone started vibrating in her back pocket. Startled, Riley shoved the letters into her backpack and answered her phone.

"Hey Riley," Her father spoke in a soft tone, "Did you still want to visit Maya today? Are you at Topanga's? I can come pick you up."

"Oh, yeah. I'm actually at Maya's place right now – just picking up some things I thought she might like to see if she wakes up." Riley looked around the room looking for something that would validate her lie. Cory agreed to pick her up at Maya's apartment and then Riley hung up the phone.

…

The car ride to Maya's hospital was always long, at least five hours each way because Katy never bothered to ask for her daughter to be transferred to a closer, better hospital. This time around some unfamiliar faces sat in the waiting room – kids from Abigail. _That's dedication,_ Riley thought as she watched them pass around the tissues. These people probably never even spoke two words to Maya and yet they made the trip all the way here to wait for her to wake up. Riley held on tighter to Maya's blanket, which she'd grabbed off of the bed just as her dad had texted her he was there, and made her way over to Maya's room. Visitation was limited to family and the people Cory and Topanga pre-approved, they asked for it to be this way. It was better like this, so Maya had a familiar face to see if and when she woke up. Riley moved the chair closer to the bed and carefully reached her hand around cords and wires so she could grab Maya's hand. It was cold and limp, as though she were already a corpse, Riley shivered just thinking about it.

"Hi." She whispered into her best friend's ear, her voice breaking as she spoke, "Hi peaches." She rest her head on Maya's arm, sobbing into the hospital gown.

"I… read… your… letters." She spoke in-between gasps as she wailed, trying to get her crying under control so Maya could hear what she had to say. "I… know… you…. did… this." Riley leaned back and covered her face with her hands, struggling to find the strength to continue.

"But we're all here. We all love you. Lucas visits – like – every day, and we… we need you. _I_ need you."

"So if you could just fight, fight so you can stay with me." Riley looked up to the ceiling, trying to blink back her tears, "Because it's you and me Maya. It's you and me until the end."


	26. Chapter 26

Farkle. What a name. The technical definition of the word is an accessory, the word itself is a mix between "function" and "sparkle". With a name like Farkle you're expected to be weird, or a class clown, or something functional with a bit of sparkle. You're not expected to be solemn or grieve - a two dimensional being - that's exactly what a Farkle _should_ be. And that's what Farkle Minkus was attempting to be. His group of friends needed glue to hold them together, someone who wasn't effected by the recent events. Someone who could be an optimist and believe, something Farkle wasn't very good at. More often than not Riley took on the role of the 'steady friend', the friend who remained calm no matter what because they always had hope, but the last thing Farkle wanted Riley doing right now was suppressing what she was feeling for everyone else.

At Abigail Adams High, the student body had officially been put into a slump. The world was spinning in slow motion for them all and there was nothing they could do about it. Every single person in those halls was used to Maya disappearing, but no one was prepared to watch her disappear right in front of them. Sometimes, someone would catch Riley off guard with an amusing one-liner or a funny quote and Riley would laugh, brightening up the entire room. But then, almost immediately after, she'd turn to see if Maya was laughing too, and when Riley remembered that she wasn't there her face fell and the laughter stopped. No one really noticed these things except Farkle. Farkle wished he didn't notice either, he'd much prefer a world where Riley didn't stop laughing. He was worried, worried about Maya and worried about how this was all effecting Riley.

It'd been almost a week since Farkle first saw Maya in the hospital, and this was his first time returning – and he was coming back alone. If no one else was around he was allowed to be solemn and grieve, he was allowed to be more than a Farkle.

He hesitated before walking into her room, he didn't want to see what was behind the door. He'd almost completely forgotten what Maya looked like that last time he came, he didn't want to remember. He wanted to remember the smiling Maya who pretended to hate school, the Maya who laughed at her own joke, the Maya who put everything into perspective, he wanted to remember the Maya who was living, not the Maya who was alive. Not the Maya a machine was breathing for.

Farkle shoved his hands into his pockets and pursed his lips together so tightly they turned white, he was thinking about all of the moments with Maya he'd taken for granted. Just a few months ago he was having a hard day and she dragged him outside of his massive apartment and down into a damp alleyway. _Sometimes people have so much space they forget what it's like to be close to each other,_ she'd said before pulling him into a hug. He smiled just thinking about it. Farkle shook his head and forced himself to focus, he needed to see Maya, and he needed to talk to her. With a sudden burst of self-assurance he pushed open the door and stepped inside. He was taken aback by what he saw, he'd expected Maya to look better than the last time he visited, not worse. Maya's head was still wrapped in bandages that clearly needed to be replaced and the bruises on her face and body had turned to a dark purple, nearly blackish color. Practically all color was drained from her face, and the girl who was once seemingly full of life looked to be consumed by death. Because of this, it quickly became very evident to him, that in this very moment, the girl he'd sworn to love forever nearly ten years ago – was gone. And he was falling apart because of it.

How ironic. The glue fell apart.

Farkle paced around the room, for the first time in his life, struggling to find the words he wanted to say. His brain stored more knowledge than he usually knew what to do with, but standing here alone with an empty reminder of a girl her used to love, he found himself staggered. The only thing keeping him from bolting out of there and never looking back was Riley. She needed Maya, and he needed her.

"I-" He started, running his hand through his hair and laughing up at the ceiling, why was this so difficult? He hopped around a little longer and then pulled a chair out, sitting on it backwards next to her bed. He focused on the beeping of her heart monitor and kept his hand on her wrist, making sure there was a pulse. "How are you still gorgeous when you're battered up so badly I can't even recognize you?" He muttered.

"Okay." He spoke slowly as he rubbed his hands together, "If I don't just start talking I'll never say what I want to tell you."

"Please come back from this," He leaned forward onto the bed, now holding onto her hand, "You're the strongest person I know Maya, you come back from everything. I know… I know life hasn't exactly been easy for you but, shit." He held his head in his hands.

"I can't tell you it gets better, we both know what a load of bullshit that is." Farkle got up from the chair and pressed his hands on the back of the chair, looking down at the floor, he wasn't big on swearing, but he wasn't big on his best friends being in the hospital either.

"Just.. Just come through this. You're stronger than any accident, please pull through. If not for me, or yourself, do it for Riley. She needs you, I need her and I… I need you. I love you Maya." He looked down at her, she was unresponsive. He leaned in and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear once more,

"You know more than anyone that I'm a man of science and facts. I don't believe in the universe telling me things, I don't believe there is a greater power, I don't believe a rainbow is a promise, and I don't believe in people. But I _do_ believe in science…. And I'll always believe in you."


	27. Chapter 27

Lucas never lived an exciting life; he wasn't the bull riding, fight picking, southern moral compass everyone thought he was. All Lucas Friar ever was, was ordinary. Ordinary – that is – until the day he met Maya Hart. The minute she walked up to him on the subway his entire world shifted and _she_ became his new center of gravity. Maya singlehandedly put adventure in his life, and just as easily she'd taken it away. Wake up. Go to school. Do homework. Go to sleep. Repeat. This was his life now, he was afraid to do anything else. How does one exist in a world where Maya Hart may never laugh again?

He smiled now, looking at his outfit. He was wearing a blue t-shirt, which was nothing exceptional, especially for him. However, this particular blue t-shirt was given to him by the one and only, Maya Hart. She'd strode into the classroom with a mischievous smirk and a box wrapped in old newspapers hidden behind her back. Because of her small frame and the angle she was holding the box Lucas had managed to see the corners sticking out from behind her.

" _What's that?"_ He'd asked, she smiled up at him and handed the present over,

" _I, Maya Penelope Hart, have managed to find you the perfect gift,"_ She slapped the top of the box, _"It's practical, it's fashionable, and it's something I_ _ **know**_ _you love."_

" _Did you wrap yourself?"_ Lucas teased.

" _Just open the damn present."_ She instructed, starting to tear at her poor wrapping job. Obediently Lucas unwrapped the rest of the package and there it was, shoved inside an old cereal box, a blue t-shirt. At first glance it looked like every other blue shirt he owns, but on the inside Maya had used iron on transfer paper to decal all of her drawers for the assignment she'd completed, because _"It's what's on the inside that matters."_ Because they were still wandering at the time Maya called the shirt a 'work in progress', and now Lucas wondered if she'd ever get the chance to finish it.

"Morning kiddo." Lucas's mom poured herself a cup of coffee and pointed to the box of cereal she'd left on the counter, "I made you breakfast." Lucas stifled a laugh as he got up to pour himself a bowl of cereal. His mom was taking extreme measures to make him smile or laugh – if even just for a moment. His sister, however, was not.

"Morning moron." Melanie said, slapping the back of her brother's head and tugging down at the men's flannel she was wearing, "Joshy stayed over last night, I hope that's alright." She looked through the fridge for breakfast, finding nothing but some yogurt and leftover pizza. Like any college student she opted for the pizza and scurried back upstairs. Lucas quickly finished his breakfast and headed out the door.

School used to be his safe place, where he'd go to escape the chaos of the Friar household. For a while his safe place was Maya, but now? Now he didn't know where his safe place was. Everywhere he looked he was haunted by the reality that all of this time he just wanted to say it, to tell her he loves her, and now he may never get the chance. Did she feel the same way? He may never know. _Stop it Friar,_ he thought to himself while he parked, _Maya will get better. Maya doesn't leave people, she's been left too many times._ He grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat and locked the doors heading inside of the school.

It was spring now, so flowers were popping up and everyone's spirits were being lifted. It was easy to forget about everything when you walked into those hallways, all buzzing with activity. Lucas made his way to History. Inside the classroom Cory had set up paper flowers all around the chalkboard, they'd made them while they were learning about the nuclear bombings, in homage to the innocent lives lost in order to end our war. Leave it to Cory Matthews to find any excuse to decorate his classroom. Students were already inside, getting excited about the spring formal.

"Hey, are we still going to the dance as a group?" Lucas asked his friends as he sat down.

"Absolutely!" Riley beamed, she knew better than anyone that Maya seemed to be deteriorating before their very eyes, but she still clung to the hope that Maya would get better, "And I was thinking, I could make Maya a flower crown so she doesn't have to feel self-conscious about the scar on her scalp from surgery." Lucas nodded along,

"She'll love it, she looked-" He hesitated before correcting himself, "She looks perfect in anything." Everyone continued talking about the dance until Mr. Matthews strode up to the front of the classroom, wiping his hands together and pointing to the board.

"The Civil War." He started walking to the front of his desk, "A war we fought against ourselves. Sometimes a countries biggest enemy can be itself. We can hope that the right side wins, but sometimes there's just too much –" He was cut off my his classroom phone ringing. "Could you answer that for me Yogi?"

Yogi reached over to the phone and brought it to his ear, "Mr. Matthews's classroom, the Yogster is speaking. How may I help you?" He nodded along as the person on the other end of the line spoke, everyone watching him instead of paying attention to Cory's lecture. "Mr. Matthews it's for you.' Yogi said holding out the phone. Cory walked over to that side of the classroom and picked up the receiver. Everyone turned to their neighbor and started discussing the dance.

"Yes hello this is Cory Matthews," He answered, his face fell as the conversation carried on. Finally, he thanked the person on the other end of the line, and then slammed the phone down, disrupting everyone's conversations. Slowly, Cory seemingly limped to the front of the room, pressing his palms into his desk as he faced away from his students.

"Dad?" Riley inquired, "Dad what's wrong?"

Cory turned around to face everyone, his eyes were red and he crossed his arms, leaning against his desk. A stillness clouded the room.

"We were lucky, lucky that the right side won." He continued his lesson, "Because good doesn't always win. I'm afraid," He laughed in disbelief and turned his head away, leaving everyone confused.

"Today I need you all to remember every lesson I've ever taught you. Every word I ever said. Remember how most of the time things are out of our control, and there is nothing we could've done to change things." He looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with his daughter as her lip started to quiver, everyone knew exactly what was wrong, but Cory pushed on, no matter how painful it was for him – knowing that none of these kids would believe it unless they heard him say the words, "As you know, your classmate, Maya Hart, was in a terrible accident." Riley started shaking her head, the words _'terrible accident'_ residing with her as her father prepared himself to deliver the final blow.

"Dad why are you telling us this?"

He rubbed his hands together, looking at his feet. He was not prepared to say these words, these are words he never thought he'd have to hear- words he never thought he'd have to say. "I was just told, that Maya Hart has passed away." He held his breath waiting for them all to respond.

Lucas didn't react. He sat frozen in place, how does one react to news like this? Receiving this news was like being handed over the weight of the entire universe. Lucas knew exactly how he felt – crushed, devastated, like a black hole had appeared in him and was taking away everything that he thought he knew, everything that he was.

There are no words to describe the weight that settled on his chest or the burning feeling in his mind, he felt like crumpling to the ground, he wanted to sink so far into the earth that he could disappear and never have to know or feel this pain. He wanted to go back to living in a world where even if Maya wasn't there, she _could_ be. The world shifted, everything around him blurring. Peoples words slurred together until he heard nothing, saw nothing, _felt_ nothing. Nothing but the crushing weight of realization that Maya Hart would never, _ever,_ exist in the world with him ever again.

Riley didn't know what to do. Her entire world stopped, as if she had been spinning so fast her entire life and in that instant she jarred to a halt, sending her smashing into a wall. Her eyes blurred and she couldn't see, all she could hear were the blood curdling wails and screams of a classmate sitting near her. In her head she was screaming, _STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! YOU DIDN'T KNOW HER. NONE OF YOU DID. IF ANYONE SHOULD BE MAKING THOSE SOUNDS IT SHOULD BE ME._ It wasn't until her father grabbed onto her arms and she blinked her eyes did she realize it _was_ her.

She was the one screaming and sobbing so hard it physically hurt.

She looked around the room, breathing heavily to try to stop herself from destroying everything, from running around the room and turning tables upside down and smashing windows so everything around her looked exactly how she felt – broken. Lucas was sitting still, staring straight ahead, Farkle had his head in his hands which were gripping onto his hair so tightly he might pull it all out, and Zay had left the room entirely – but everyone assumed the crashing noises in the hall were him. Riley looked back to her father, whose eyes were red and glossy – he was still clutching her shoulders trying to calm her. When she stopped screaming he released and looked around the shattered classroom.

"It wasn't an accident." Riley mumbled, practically inaudibly. No one even noticed. She turned her head around to face her peers, now screaming with rage, "IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT." Riley tried to shove her desk away but it toppled over. She fell down out of her chair and sunk down on to her knees, continuing to mutter the words, "She did it on purpose. She _left me_ on purpose."

Lucas turned his attention over to Riley, who looked about two seconds away from completely falling apart, and he thought about the words she was saying. Was it true? Did Maya Hart _crash_ her car? Just as he was thinking these things Riley's shaky hand reached into her backpack and pulled out a stack of papers.

"She did it on purpose. She _left me_ on purpose." She repeated as she shuffled through the papers – shaking so hard that the papers ruffled together, creating a ruckus – a ruckus no louder than the sniffles around the classroom. Farkle finally removed his hands and revealed his tear streaked face, he got up and went over to Riley pulling her into a hug. He grabbed the letters from her and handed them back to Lucas so he could properly wrap both arms around her, he and Riley sat together, huddled on the floor, holding each other so tightly their arms turned white – because they were afraid of letting go.

Lucas looked down at the paper on the top of the stack. His name was on it. All the other papers beneath it were drawings or fragments of sentences, mere pieces of what she had to say. But this paper – the paper, the paper with his name on it, this paper was covered in shaky hand writing.

"What've you got there Mr. Friar?" Cory asked, looking for a distraction from the pain.

"It's a note." He answered opening it up, "It's a suicide note."


	28. Chapter 28

Lucas –

I feel certain that I am going mad again. Not in the traditional, throw her into a strait-jacket and ship her off into a mental institution way, but in the sense that I don't know who I am anymore. I feel no that's not right – that's the problem, I _don't_ feel. But I do think, I think I can't go through another terrible time. I can't recover this time. So, I am doing what seems the best thing to do, for myself, and for everyone around me. But please just know, that you have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think anyone could be happier than me when I'm with you – but it's when I'm not with you that the darkness settles in. I need to free you. I have become far too dependent on the people around me and I can feel you all slipping away – so I'm letting go. I can't fight any longer, I don't have it in me. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. And please, I know you owe me nothing, but tell Riley that she is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know that if the love could save lives, she and I would be immortal. I'm telling you this because if anyone could've saved me it would've been either of you. But you can't save me. I am but a shadow of the person I once was. I loved you. But love just isn't enough.

M


	29. Chapter 29

u·to·pi·a

yo͞oˈtōpēə/

 _noun_

an imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect.

There is only one antonym for the word 'utopia'. That word is hell.

Riley Matthews was in hell.

It'd been a week since she found out about Maya's death, and she still felt like she couldn't breathe. It felt selfish. Being alive felt selfish.

Her window stayed open – constantly taunting her. Every now and then, when the wind rustled the leaves in just the right way, she'd turn her head excitedly expecting to see Maya crawling into her room, only to be reminded that Maya would never, _ever_ be sitting in the bay window ever again.

Riley now sat on her bed, staring at the black dress hanging on her doorknob. It didn't feel right – Maya wouldn't want her wearing black to her funeral. But black was all she could tolerate right now, every other color just seemed too bright and they insulted her. How dare the colors not dull themselves after such a heavy loss?

"Riley honey," Topanga gently knocked on the door as she jiggled the locked handle, "How are we doing?"

 _Wretched. Pathetic. Destroyed. Dolorous. Pained._ Riley considers saying any of these things – but this is not what her mother wants to know. Topanga wants to know if she's almost finished getting ready to go to her best friend's funeral.

"I'm almost ready." She croaked out – her voice coarse after the many nights she's stayed up sobbing tearlessly into her pillow, unable to remember the last words she said to Maya.

Riley stood from her bed, gravity pulling down on her now more than ever, as though it were wrapping its hands around her ankles and trying to drag her down to hell – unaware that she was already there. Slowly she trod over to the dress. The dress flowed down to her knees and hugged in at her waist – it would be stunning if she were wearing it to anything but a funeral. She slid into the dress and slipped out the door, feeling as though she didn't have the energy to do anything more.

Topanga immediately stood up when Riley trudged out into the living area, her entire family was clad in black. She pat down on her daughters hair, cupping her hands around Riley's face.

"Sweetheart do you want me to fix up your hair?"

Riley simply pushed her mother away- Maya wouldn't have cared if her hair wasn't done. Maya didn't care what Riley looked like, she thought Riley was beautiful no matter what. Riley wondered if Maya would still think that now. She hadn't showered in days, because no matter how hard she scrubbed she couldn't manage to wash away the pain.

The Matthews' gang silently filed into their SUV, they were all afraid to say a word – as far as they were concerned, Riley was a flight risk. She gently tapped her head against the cold window, watching as her breath fogged up the glass. It was the beginning of spring, it was once her favorite time of year. In the earliest parts of the morning a thin layer of frost settled on top of all of the leaves, and by the time she woke up they'd melted into a beautiful dew that reflected light and made everything look brighter – except now she didn't look outside. Because if she did all she saw was water on leaves, and there is nothing magical about water on leaves.

The vehicle jolted to a stop as Topanga put the van in park, Topanga looked behind her seat, concern settling on her face. Riley was pressing her hands into her knees so hard her hand had turned white, her face was scrunched.

"I don't know if I can do this alone." She whispered, her vision clouding with tears, Auggie leaned over and put his little nine year old hand on top of his sisters, ,"You're not alone." He smiled, putting his head on her shoulder, Riley stiffened at the contact. She looked out to the church, knowing Shawn planned the funeral. He'd tried to get Maya to believe in something – anything – even if it was just believing in the sun every morning, little did he know that one of the only things Maya believed in was him.

Cory opened the door for his daughter and took hold of both of her hands, helping her step out of the vehicle. Every step she took into the building echoed louder and louder, resonating in tune with her heart, which seemed to be thrashing around in her chest.

The heavy oak doors creaked as they opened, but there was too much chatter inside for anyone to notice. Two boys in poorly sized suits handed out a card to everyone, a flimsy piece of paper that read 'Maya Penelope Hart, January 2001 – 2017'. Reading this, Riley smiled for the first time in what seemed like decades, thinking of how Maya would react to reading this.

" _My entire life I've managed to keep the circle of people who know my middle name is 'Penelope' to a minimal, and here at my funeral you announce it to the entire school?"_ She'd dramatically toss the paper aside and cross her arms, _"Some respect for the dead you have."_ Maya would tease before breaking into a laugh so contagious everyone would be erupting with smiles.

Riley saw Lucas sitting alone in one of the pews near the back as she and her family made their way to the aisle marked off for them, she looked up at her parents and then made her way back to him.

"Hey." She startled him, Lucas wiped his face and then looked up at Riley – his bloodshot eyes showing his pain no matter how much he tried to hide it.

"Oh hey!" He squeaked, his voice high-pitched and wounded.

"Do you mind if I sit next to you?" Riley asked, already moving into the aisle next to him.

They sat together, watching as people who were strangers to Maya filed into the church, wailing. Katy Hart in the center of it all, mascara running down her face as though she ever cared for her daughter. Riley looked at Farkle and his family as they walked in, her and Farkle hadn't spoken since that dreadful day last week. He finally was letting himself grieve – and this was something he chose to do alone. However, as he did a double take looking at his two remaining best friends, he peeled off from his family to sit with them.

No words were needed for this miserable group of three. They sat together, tears stinging their eyes, and watched everything around them happen. Shawn ran up to Cory and it looked like they had a brief discussion before running to the back of the church together.

"What's your dad doing?" Farkle leaned over to ask Riley. She shrugged,

"I don't know."

These are the first words they've said to each other since they learned of Maya's death.

It wasn't until the funeral procession started did they realize exactly what Mr. Matthews was doing. The music started to play and Cory and Shawn carried Maya's coffin together, bringing her to the front of the church.

 _They were walking her down the aisle._

They set her down on the table, faces streaked with tears, and sat down with Topanga and Auggie, all of them already sobbing. Riley, Farkle and Lucas all held hands as the priest spoke – enjoying the memory of their dear friend.

"An accident took her away from us-" the priest shouted, Lucas stiffened and a chill went down all of their spines. They knew this was due to no accident. Out of respect for Maya, they didn't move, but as soon as the procession ended the three of them stood and ran out of the church, weaving their way out of the crowd – disregarding anyone who reached out to apologize for their loss.

The moment the cold air hit their skin, Lucas let out a cry. He wrapped his arms around himself and rocked back and forth as he sobbed. Riley had no idea he was even capable of being so solemn. As they sat on the ground, both of the boys crying with Riley looking back and forth between them, Riley finally realized how much they were hurting as well. And she started to laugh. Laugh at how Katy sat inside the church crying for the loss of the daughter she abused, laugh at how every kid in their grade showed up to pay respects to the great disappearing act that was Maya Hart, and laughing at how the only person who could make her feel better was laying inside of a wooden box inside. Yeah. She was laughing. But she was still crying inside.

"Let's have our own funeral for her." Farkle said, looking at Riley, "She would've hated this. Every second. Her name on the sheet, all of the people." He shrugged and picked at the skin around his finger.

"Let's do it again."

At first, Riley thought it a stupid idea, but the more she thought about it the more she fell in love with it.

"Yeah, yeah that'd be perfect."

The three of them gathered on the bench at John Quincy Adams Middle School, Maya's artwork to be the backdrop to her funeral. The lights were off and they'd had to ask Janitor Harley to let them in to the school whose halls they used to rule. High School was a different world, a world Riley didn't want to have to return to alone. She stood up in front of Lucas and Farkle, her speech in hand, and she began to conduct the funeral she thought Maya would've wanted to have.

"Maya Hart." She started, intentionally dodging her best friends middle name, "I think, if at all possible – and if it was Maya would definitely be the one to make it possible, had too much heart. I think, she'd had so much of her heart taken away and she spent so much time giving her heart away that she didn't have any leftover for herself. I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end, even if it was just for a little while, but I… I think I stole some of it too. And I'm so sorry for that. I'll never be able to say how sorry I am. I-" She couldn't continue, she looked at the purple cat painted in the corner of the bench and felt nothing but guilt. So many years ago she'd insisted on putting it there and now she looked at it and saw how it contaminated Maya's masterpiece. She was sobbing and she didn't think she deserved to stop. Lucas and Farkle wrapped themselves around her and they all sat together, trying to comprehend the world they lived in now. The world without Maya Hart.


	30. Chapter 30

Lucas exhaled slowly looking out to his classmates. Mr. Matthews had told him that he didn't have to do this – but Lucas knew that he couldn't live with himself if he didn't. He grabbed the clicker off of Cory's desk and took a step forward, forcing on a smile.

"The Wander New York Assignment," He clicked the remote, changing the slide to a photo of Maya, "I'd thought it was kind of dumb when I first heard it. But not her, no, not her. Maya made plans for our assignment before I finished writing my name on the worksheet. This whole thing was mainly her actually, I just had to follow three simple rules." He clicked to the next slide which laid out Maya's three rules for wandering.

"Rule number one, we go where the road takes us. If I were to turn right instead of left, we'd go to wherever the road took us – no detours, no u-turns, just pure and natural wandering. Rule number two, no phones. We navigated using nothing but paper maps we purchased at gas stations. And rule number three, if we were to see something strange, beautiful, or unbelievably ordinary, we'd pull over and embrace the moment. This is the rule I found hardest not to break because, if I pulled over every time I saw something beautiful I'd have to pull over every time I looked at her." He held his head low and started laughing,

"And if she ever heard me saying anything as cheesy as that she'd probably laugh at me and give me a whole new nickname to go along with Huckleberry, Ranger Rick, Bucky McBoing Boing…" His voice trailed off and he turned around, steadying himself on Mr. Matthews' desk.

"Mr. Friar you don't have to finish." Cory started to stand up from Lucas' seat, where he was sitting to watch and grade all of the presentations.

"No… no I can do this." Lucas whispered and clicked to the next slide, which was a picture of Maya's completed drawing from their first wandering.

"It was the Chimney Buffs – her pick. We spent hours driving there and what felt like even longer climbing up there." He turned back to his peers and almost smiled, "Despite me being in baseball, football and basketball Maya still managed to beat me to the highest peak. She was insane. She was beautifully insane." He clicked on to the next slide.

"Howe Caverns. Yet another wonder chosen by Maya. She was more prepared for the day than I was, so we went to her picks."

"She loves dark places but she also loves nature." He stopped and chuckled down to his feet, "Loved." The word stuck to his tongue, they'd buried Maya five months ago and he still wasn't used to using past tense. He still wasn't used to her empty space. Lucas set the clicker down on the table and turned off the screen. The entire class watched in confusion as Lucas moved around the room, flicking on lights and making sure people were paying attention.

"Mr. Matthews assigned for us all to see what New York has to offer beyond SoHo and the Statue of Liberty. But I didn't see any of it. I went places and I saw things but the entire time I was looking at her, learning about her. The way Maya smiles when she looks back at you walking down the slippery steps into the caves, the way her skin feels when it's cold and 140 feet above ground, the way her hair flows when you're chasing her around a castle." He stopped, catching his breath because he noticed he was going too fast.

"It's us." He continued slowly,

"We're the natural wonders of New York. Live, you guys. Live with each other while you still can." He turned to screen back on and Maya's face, smiling back at the camera as she held a promise ring around her neck slowly came into view, "It doesn't matter where you are. It doesn't matter what you do. An old warehouse can be a better adventure than Niagara Falls if you're with the right person." He looked down at the corresponding promise ring he still wore on his hand and held his hand up to the photo of Maya's on the screen,

"And I was."


	31. Final Acknowledgements

34,000 people commit suicide every year.

Suicide is the eighth leading killer in the world.

64% of suicides are preventable.

Give Help:

suicide

Get Help:

/

"Suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on to someone else."

And Then She Stopped is inspired by the following novels:

All the Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven

Falling into Place, by Amy Zhang

Paper Towns, by John Green

To the Lighthouse, by Virginia Woolf

This story has been a delight to write, and I never wanted it to end. Thank you to all of those who have read it all the way to the end. I love you – you are loved. Let love be enough.


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